Love Me, I Hate Myself
by The Hannalizer
Summary: Harry moves to Forks, Washington, because he needs a break from the magical world and his wife , where he meets Edward, an angsty vampire with a broken heart. Bella is dead and Renesmee never existed, ha-ha! X-overed slash, HP/EC, post Eclipse and DH.
1. Forks

**Love me, I hate myself**

Edward/Harry

_A/N: This story takes place two years post Deathly Hallows (and not the 19 years later thing, ha-ha) and after Eclipse. (Excuse me for my bad english, it's not my native language.)_

Chapter 1: _Forks_

Harry knew that everything was about to get completely different when he saw the dot on the map and decided to move there. Forks. An utterly insignificant place on earth. In a place like that, magic couldn't possibly exist. He could live a normal life among muggles, away from being the boy who lived and especially away from magic.

Voldemort was gone. Harry had killed him. There was nothing left to fear, but Harry couldn't stop being on guard. It was making him insane. Who was he really? Who was Harry now when that monster was dead? He had shaped him and made him into who he now was. How could Harry possibly move on and live a happy, secure life?

Harry couldn't do that. Harry didn't know who he was anymore.

That was why he had to get away. Get away from all the shit that Voldemort and the death eaters had left behind.

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

The cab rolled into a front yard of a small wooden house. It was painted in white, but the paint was old and were losing its grip of the walls. Harry stepped out of the car with his trunk and walked up to the house. The previous owner was named Charlie Swan. He was one of the few policemen in Forks. He had recently killed himself. Shot his brains out after the tragic death of his daughter. Harry had heard from the guy he bought the house of, that the girl looked like a roadkill when they found her. She had probably gone into the woods and then gotten eaten by some kind of animal, which seemed to happen a lot around these areas.

Harry looked up at the sky. The clouds were thick and gray. Small drops of rain fell down on his face. The air was very moist and chilly, it clung to his body and make him shiver into his very bones.

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

It felt good to get warm inside the small house. The furniture from the policemen and his daughter were still there so there wasn't much left for Harry to do about the interoir design. He didn't want to complete it with pictures and such, because he wanted to forget about the past. It felt better that way. With pictures of that chief inspector and his daughter. She was pretty. She must have been very young when she died, barely an adult, probably.

The house was very quiet and felt cozy and nice the first days. But after a week or so Harry began to feel restless. He didn't want to go back to his wife, Ginny, yet. Maybe later. If at all.

He had to find something to do. So he began strolling around in the town. Looking at the muggles living their normal, happy, hillbilly lives.

One day he entered a store that sold out door things.

"Good afternoon, miss!" Harry said politely to a girl that seemed to work there, because she wore an ugly shirt with the name of the store on it.

She looked at him in surprise and then shun up and a hungry spark lightened in her eyes.

"Are you from England?"

"Err, yes," Harry said awkwardly.

She was probably about to ask him a lot of things that he would feel uncomfortable answering. That would be a conversation he wanted to avoid. So he quickly glanced around to find something to talk about.

"Uhm... What would be the major usage of this jacket?"

The girl looked disappointed and answered in a monotone voice:

"It's a rain coat. It protects from water and wind."

In the next second the door opened and two men entered the store. They were very handsome. One of them were about Harry's age, or younger. He had auburn hair that would probably shine even more reddish in the sunlight. The other one was big, in a bear like way, with short brown hair, and seemed to be about Harry's age too. They were both very pale. And graceful. Something about them was not human.

_Wait a sec... I know what they are, _he thought.

He sure did know.

_Vampires._

Harry automatically reached for his pocket, just to realize that he didn't have his wand. A shiver travelled down his spine when the sudden panic hit him. He was very aware of the bare second it would take for the vampires to kill both him and the girl. Without his wand, he'd be chance less.

He stared at the vampires in pure horror, there was nothing he could do. He couldn't possibly fight the vampires without a wand.

"Hi Kelly!" The bearlike vampire greeted cheerfully the girl.

This wasn't what Harry was expecting. Then the red head's eyes met his. And his eyes wasn't red as blood. They were yellow, or like topaz or honey. They seemed sad, but also a bit curious.

"How are you guys today?" Kelly asked warmly. "Going hiking again?"

Maybe they weren't vampires after all. Maybe Harry's mind were playing him tricks.

The big one chuckled something Harry didn't listen to, because the red head wrinkled his eye brows, looking into his eyes within a second that seemed to last forever. Suddenly Harry's scar ached. It felt like fire through his forehead and his hand automatically went to the scar.

The boy broke the eye contact and Harry felt scared. He hurried to the door and almost ran home. He was scared, not because of the weird vampires, or muggles, or whatever they were. He was scared because the scar hadn't pained him in a year. Not since the death of Voldemort. Why did it hurt now all of a sudden?

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

A couple of days passed and Harry didn't feel anything in his scar again. He started to believe that he was just imagining things. Voldemort was dead. The horocruxes were destroyed. Unless that boy was possessed by Voldemort's spirit...

Well, that was silly. And not possible. At all.

Harry needed to do something to get all this off his mind. So he decided to go out to the woods to pick some berries. And this time, he brought his wand, just to be sure, but without intending to use it.

He crooned some happy tunes. Making an effort to cheer himself up and trying not to think about things he didn't want to think about. Well, it didn't work. The woods didn't have the effect on Harry he'd expected it to have. Quite the opposite, actually. When he thought the woods would help him to concentrate on other things, like picking berries, than thinking about things he wanted to forget. Instead it was like the woods made all the unpleasant thoughts attack him, all at once.

Ginny were pleading for him to stay before he left. It was heart breaking. He loved her, but he felt so anxious every day. He just couldn't stand it anymore! He had to get away from her and everything else, so he could find out who he really was.

"Who am I?" he muttered.

Magic was a big part of him, he knew that, and couldn't deny it either. But if he removed all the magic, what would be left? He wasn't sure, and he had to find out, and he couldn't figure that out with Ginny by his side. Ginny reminded him so much of magic, of Hogwarts and the Weasley's and Quidditch and everything he'd ever loved.

It was obviously impossible to have her around.

Being in the woods, picking berries, didn't ease his mind at all. All the memories he had tried to suppress flooded into is mind with colors, sounds and tastes so vibrant that he almost thought he was in England.

He threw himself, with his head first, into a tree, just to feel something else than all the pain from the past. The tree was huge and covered with moss. It didn't hurt so much and the tree didn't even seem to notice the impact of his body. Some kind of angsty aggression was building up inside of him and he started to hit the tree. Again and again.

A tearing feeling started to spread in his chest. At the same time a lump were building in his throat. He hit the tree harder. Suddenly tears flooded Harry's eyes. He didn't care. He wanted to kill something. The tree were to die. In his mind, the tree was Sirius. He wanted to beat him up real good. Why did you leave me, he wanted to ask him.

A twig cracked somewhere behind Harry. He froze and listened for more sounds. One more crack. Harry turned around to see a shape a couple of meters away. It was hard to see, because the woods were covered with a thick mist. It seemed to be a human though, or rather something humanish, and it was crouching, and didn't seem to see Harry.

Harry slowly moved his hand for his wand, which was in the back pocket of his jeans. Suddenly the creature noticed Harry and with the speed of light it threw itself towards Harry. But Harry was quicker and cast a spell over it:

"Stupefy!"

He still had it in him. The creature fell to the ground. Harry walked carefully towards the body and he saw that it was that red headed boy from the store. He stared at Harry's face, probably in horror. Harry guessed that he had never heard about wizards before, but he had to be a vampire though. There was just one odd thing... Vampires had red eyes, right? Not honey? Not beautiful eyes of liquid gold...

Harry shook his head in disbelief. He had tried to run from magic and instead he wound up in Forks. An insignificant place on earth, but with vampires. What's the odds of that? And it wasn't not only one, there was one more too.

Did Harry have to rip the vampire into shreds and burn the pieces? Was that really his job to do? He felt lazy, he told himself. But to be honest, he wasn't lazy, he just felt that he couldn't kill this boy. The boy was too beautiful and mesmerizing for Harry to do such an awful thing.

_A/N: READ AND REVIEW!!! THANKS!!_


	2. The Wizard

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

_A/N: I was happily surprised when I noticed how many you guys who read this fanfic are! It's awesome! Makes all this so much more fun! And lots and lots of thanks to my beta, Alexandra, Black-Lightening-8080,__ Without her, you'd be wrinkling your forehead while reading this chapter, cause of my english. ;P_

_R&R PLZ!_

_The third chapter will hopefully be ready at the end of the week._

_Kisses to y'all!!! :D_

Chapter 2: _The wizard_

Edward was on the ground, unable to move. He had heard about witches and wizards before, but never actually encountered one. They had their own world and vampires usually mingled with normal humans and not freaks like this young man.

Edward wondered if the other would kill him now. It would be good timing, now when he was still in shock. The man mumbled some words. Edward thought he was going to kill him, but instead ropes started appearing from the tip of his wand. The ropes tangled themselves around Edward's body. It would be easy to break out, if the ropes were normal... but if it was some kind of magic ropes with super strength... That would make his chances of escape far less likely.

Oh well. What did he have to lose? Esme would be devastated of course but she'd get over it with time, Edward reasoned with himself. He had already lost everything that seemed important and meaningful to him. And it was purely his own fault. He was a monster, and this ending was all he was worthy of.

He could hear it in the wizard's mind. He was thinking about killing Edward, but he wasn't sure. The only thing was that Edward wasn't sure of his thought. It was like some kind of blockage between their minds. His voice was so far away, and muddled. He had never heard anything like it... Except for...

The sharp pain in Edward's heart almost broke the spell the wizard had cast over him. Now he truly wished for death to come.

Suddenly the wizard twitched in agony and touched his forehead, as if he got an unexpected nasty head ache. Edward tried to hear the wizard's thoughts, but he seemed to get blocked out. No one else had ever managed to block him out. Maybe it was because he was a wizard? Edward had hard time believing that.

He felt his arms again, then his legs, and toes. Slowly he regained control over his body and the spell seemed to brake. The wizard was still pointing his wand at him, he would probably curse him or something like that or whatever wizards do. He had a feeling that he wouldn't kill him though. Something in his eyes was too honest and innocent to do that, even though he had some heavy clouds hanging over him, full of pain and angst.

"What are you?" The wizard asked.

"I'm Edward," he answered with a sly smile.

The wizard had a frustrated expression.

"Not your name! _What_ are you?"

Edward gave a crooked smile but had some amount of threat in his eyes. He didn't want to answer the wizard's question.

"Answer me!"

"If you'd please untie me, I'll tell you anything you want," Edward said politely, hoping that the wizard wouldn't ask any awkward question.

"No. How can I know that you won't try to kill me?" he said determinedly.

Edward smiled politely again. He wondered if he'd be able to break the ropes that tied him to the ground, but he wouldn't try to. He'd get his way in the end anyway.

"As you wish..." he said and pressed his lips tightly shut to show the wizard that he wouldn't speak until he was untied.

The wizard rolled his eyes, sighing. Edward knew he had won.

"Alright then... But don't try anything funny!"

The wizard flicked his wand and the ropes loosened around Edward's body. He easily got to his feet and brushed some dirt and leaves from his clothes. The wizard backed away, alarmed, with his wand still pointing at him.

"Calm down, please. I won't hurt you. I promise," Edward said truthfully and tried to look as honest as he possibly could to the wizard's eyes.

"Are you a vampire?"

"Are you going to tell on me?" he teased and smiled crookedly, knowing that he was crossing a line.

"That depends," he answered, lifting his chin, trying to seem superior.

Edward watched the other carefully, and chuckled at how annoyed he looked.

"Answer me! _Levicorpus!_"

Edward screamed in surprised fear when he was flung up into the air by an invisible force that lifted him by his ankle. He fought and tried to get himself down, but nothing he did helped. It was obviously the wizard's turn to laugh, now that Edward was hanging upside down.

"Let me down!" he snarled.

"You're going to answer my questions first."

Edward crossed his arms. He felt like a small child. He had never felt this inferior before, or well, not that he could remember at least. Vampires do not feel inferior, they are always stronger, faster and better than everyone else. Why did this wizard have to come here and change that? Edward didn't know how to handle that situation.

"Are you a vampire?"

"Yes."

"Why aren't your eyes red?"

"It's because I don't hunt humans... Only animals."

The wizard stared at him in surprise and Edward could hear in his thoughts that he couldn't comprehend how a vampire could possibly resist human blood.

"Were you trying to kill me?"

"No... Not really..." Edward snarled, he tried to act mature but truthfully he just wanted to scream, pull someone's hair and throw things around. Like a crybaby.

"What were you doing?"

"I was hunting..."

"And?"

"And then I followed your scent," he confessed through his teeth.

"What? Why?" the wizard said in shock.

"Please... Just let me down."

The embarrassment was horrifying, he just wanted to sink down to the core of earth. Disappear for some decades... Well, that wasn't possible for the moment, and he had to explain himself sooner or later.

"When I saw you in the store I wondered who you were, and when I was hunting today I caught your scent. I didn't really mean to, but I followed you... And then you saw me and I wasn't thinking, I just attacked. And I'm so, so sorry."

"If I let you go... Are you going to attack me again?"

"No, I promise."

The wizard was thinking this over thoroughly and finally decided to let Edward go. He flicked his wand and Edward was set free. He landed gracefully on his feet, whereas a human would have clumsily fallen on his face.

"Well... Uhm, no hard feelings right?" Edward apologized. He reached out a hand to shake the wizard's, who eyed him carefully before shaking it. He was still threatening with his wand, which he held with his free hand. His other hand was burned hot against Edward's cold skin and a yearning that had been sleeping for over a year, twitched to life.

The wizard dropped his hand.

"What's your name?" Edward asked.

"Harry," he answered and suddenly disappeared with a popping sound.

Edward stared at the empty spot in front of him. He was still feeling embarrassed and like a failure. He wondered where this yearning came from? He wasn't some kind of homo. His sexuality was all he had left that was pure in him. He had lost his virginity to Bella (mentioning her name, even in his thoughts, was like having his insides turned inside-out for a moment). He had killed. He was a vampire. Nothing was pure in him anymore, except for his heterosexuality. A tiny thread to hold on to, when he was trying to escape the worst plagues in hell.

Harry had made him curious, and now, there were two things he was absolutely sure about. One, that wand made Harry stronger than Edward. And two, he was going to spend some nights at the Swan's resident again.


	3. A Journey

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

_A/N: I'm sorry it took time. I'm not going to excuse myself, so I'm plainly just sorry. I've begun writing the fourth chapter and give me a week or something to finish it. ^^ And I know, there's a lot of preface stuff in these early chapters, but just hold out guys... It's gonna come... :P And I wanna thank my beta Alexandra! She did a great job. :D Anyways, I hope you'll like it! Remember to R&R!! Love yaaa!!!_

Chapter 3: _A Journey_

Over the next few days Harry started to toss and turn while sleeping. His nights were getting sweaty and full of wet dreams. Harry had known that he liked boys since he'd shared a passionate kiss with Draco one Sunday afternoon a very long time ago. But vampires? They weren't even human! It's unnatural to like something like that... And he wasn't supposed to get attached to someone here. He was supposed to have his break from magic and then go back to Ginny.

But he didn't want to go back to Ginny.

Not yet at least.

He wanted to see Edward again, but wondered how many other vampires there were. Maybe that other, big, bear-like one was Edward's mate. Harry hoped not.

He had no idea where to find Edward, except for that store, and he was quite sure that Edward didn't spend all his leisure time there. Harry sighed to himself. It looked like he'd have to find Edward the hard way. He'd have to get to know the area and hope he came across some sort of lead. That meant he'd also need to Americanize himself so that he could blend in. And the first step to doing that that came to mind was buying a car.

Harry wasn't sure where to get a car, but decided to take a walk around town to see what he could find. Eventually he saw an ad on a tree with "Truck for sale!" written on it along with a phone number.

"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimedand half ran home to make the call.

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

A couple of hours later, Harry sat in his kitchen, enjoying a cup of tea. The clock ticked loudly but was soon muffled by a roaring sound from the front yard. He got to his feet and looked out of the window. It was an old truck painted in red, but the paint was old, and bleached by the sun and wind.

He stepped outside the house and greeted the old, Indian man with the truck. The man was in a wheelchair and a younger man helped him out of the car.

The old one said:

"Well, I hope you like her... She's been around for a few years, but the engine is quite new and she works just fine..."

"...If you don't go faster than 60. Trust me, don't try it," the younger man filled in and grinned widely.

Harry laughed. He liked these guys, they seemed nice and honest. And the truck was absolutely perfect.

"I love the truck. How much is it?"

Both men dropped their jaws, as if surprised that someone would take a liking to the vehicle.

"What do you like about it...?" The younger man asked curiously.

Harry shrugged, "I don't know. It's just perfect in all ways possible. I love it – it's absolutely brilliant!"

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

Later that day, Harry cruised his way through Forks. He had thought it was going to be awesome but now that he was actually driving, he felt embarrassed. The roaring sound of the engine made every muggles' head turn in annoyance and sometimes even disgust. He inclined his head, cheeks flushing.

When he lifted his head he met the gaze of a pair of beautiful, dark eyes. They were almost black. And they belonged to Edward.

Harry almost drove off the road when he saw the look in Edward's eyes. He seemed to dislike the truck...

_What's wrong with this bloody car?_ Harry thought.

Or maybe it was something wrong with Harry...

Harry sighed and floored the pedal, trying to speed up. He kept his gaze on the road ahead of him, trying to forget Edward's disturbed expression.

Suddenly the passenger door opened and then closed just as quickly. It happened in the space of milliseconds and he couldn't even be sure it had actually happened. He then saw a silhouette out of the corner of his eye.

It was Edward.

He was sitting beside him.

"Hi," Edward breathed and Harry screamed in surprise and let go of the wheel. If the car wasn't so big, old and heavy it would have swerved off the road and into the ditch. It almost did but Edward, who was impossibly fast, took over the wheel and steadied the truck very calmly.

Harry's first thought after the shock was to grab his wand and hex the vampire, but as soon as his hand reached his pocket, Edward's cool hand stopped him.

"Don't," he said. His black eyes were pleading. He wouldn't kill Harry, even if he could.

He was so beautiful. Even the bruises under his eyes were pretty.

Harry relaxed a bit, but stayed alert.

"Let me drive," Edward said, and Harry didn't even have time to protest before Edward easily slid beneath him and pushed him to the passenger seat.

Harry starred at Edward's godlike features. And then he realized that Edward had taken his wand.

"Whaa...! Give it back!"

Edward smirked.

"No, because then you'll just hex me, won't you," he stated quietly and touched his head lightly with the tip of his fingers. "I can read minds," he confessed with a sly smile.

"You what...?" Harry spat, but then the message sank in. He realized where the pain in his scar came from. It was Edward's fault. Edward was trying to get into his head... "Oh, so that's why my scar has been hurting..."

Edward looked puzzled and mumbled:

"I can't hear you so clearly though... Sometimes I can't hear anything... I've never experienced anything like it..."

"Uh, alright... But why are you in my car?" Harry demanded forcefully.

Edward twitched in his seat and glanced carefully at Harry.

"This pains me..."

"What?"

"Well, your blood," he said and wrinkled his nose, which looked like wrinkled marble.

Harry swallowed.

"Are you afraid?" Edward asked with his eyes on the road.

"Yes."

Harry looked from Edward to his wand, which Edward's white hand held in a tight grip. He wondered if he could cast _Accio _or if Edward would be quick enough to catch it before Harry could grab it. Then it would take a second or two for Harry to hex him... It wouldn't even take a quarter of that time for Edward to kill Harry. Fail.

"I'm sad to hear that," Edward said mildly.

"Give me my wand, and then I won't be afraid," Harry said.

"Promise you won't cast a spell over me? Curse me? Hex me?" Edward said and seemed to look straight into Harry's heart with his black eyes.

Harry swallowed. _Too late to lie_... Edward smirked and said:

"I thought so..."

Harry tore himself from the vampire's gaze and looked out the window instead. They were leaving Forks. Fury and frustration boiled inside of him and his knuckles whitened as he clenched his fists.

"So, how does defeat feel?" Edward teased.

"Why are you here? Where are you taking me?" Harry asked through his teeth, without raising his head to see if Edward were still watching him.

"I wanted to see you, and then you drove by, so I acted in the spur of the moment," he said and his voice tingled with musical laughter. "And now I'm taking you to Port Angeles."


	4. Port Angeles

_A/N: Happy Easter! The next chapter's gonna come in about one week as usual. Keep readinnnn and reviewinnnn!! :D My beta Alex mentioned that Harry seems childish in this chapter, and yeah maybe he does, but he's just stubborn and doesnt wanna give up, he doesnt know how to handle defeat. Ooops, I think I'm talking too much now, read it instead, im not gonna spoil it like I always do after seeing a new episode of Grey's Anatomy or something. Yeah, I'll shut up. Lol. Peace!_

Chapter 4:_ Port Angeles_

Truth be told, Edward didn't act on the spur of the moment. With Alice on his side, he had known that Harry was going to drive by, and had decided to take a chance.

It had been hard for Edward when Harry stayed home. Edward had watched him toss and turn in his sleep while mumbling words about his mom or even Edward himself. Sometimes Harry said something about someone called Wuldemart or something like that, and it was usually followed by a scream.

It was fascinating and invigorating to watch him sleep. He was just so much more interesting than Bella ever was. Bella had seemed sort of empty and, compared with Harry, she wasn't anything more than an empty paper bag. A very delicious paper bag though...

No, he shouldn't think about Bella. It pained him too much. The memory of her was clear like it could have been yesterday, and he could still taste her blood... She was like sweet velvet down his throat...

"What's in Port Angeles?" Harry asked, which snapped Edward out of his daydreams.

"You'll see," Edward said smugly.

Actually, his plan was to take Harry to the movies but that seemed boring now when he thought about it. Maybe he should take him to a restaurant instead. Somewhere public where they couldn't attack each other.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asked.

"Pardon?"

Edward looked at Harry, wondering if he was stupid like a paper bag as well. Why did he always end up with the brainless people?

"Food," he said and articulated it as if talking to a two year old, "you know, people eat food because they're hungry," he continued slowly.

"Merlin's beard, I know! I'm not dumb!" Harry said, obviously very insulted.

Edward raised his eyebrow, amused.

"Okay, you can choose. Cinema or restaurant?" Edward said, but he already knew that it would always be his choice, and he was just letting Harry think that he had a say in this.

"I want to go home," Harry demanded in vain.

Edward smirked and hummed:

"I hope you like Italian."

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

The restaurant brought back old memories from Edward's past with Bella. He wasn't quite sure why he did this to himself. It was as if he hurt himself just to see if he could handle the pain. And then a spark of hope was lit in him. That spark was Harry. Maybe Harry could help Edward get over Bella. If Edward built new memories with him on top of the memories with Bella, then maybe the past wouldn't seem so harsh.

The rain fell on their heads as they stepped out of the car. The lights from the restaurant shone like a guiding star in Edward's world. He wondered how it looked like for Harry and peaked at him out of the corner of his eye.

The young man's black hair was wet from the rain. The water looked like pearls and the pearls enhanced Harry's features with liquid diamonds.

"Can I please have my wand back?" Harry said, squinting at Edward to avoid getting rain in his eyes. His voice was shaking with controlled anger, or the cold – maybe both.

"I don't know if I can trust you," Edward said honestly.

Harry suddenly came to a halt and reached his hand out for the wand.

"I promise. Let's just even it out."

Edward tightened his grip around the piece of wood, but was still careful not to break it. Harry starred at him. His emerald green eyes pleaded at him. Begging him for his trust.

"Please..." Harry said.

Edward thought about it for a moment.

"No. You'll get it back after you've gotten something to eat," Edward decided.

Harry sighed and dropped his hand. They walked silently into the restaurant.

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

The waitress put a glass with water and a plate with tortellini on the table in front of Harry. Then she left them alone.

Harry wrinkled his forehead.

"Why did you take me here?" he asked.

"I thought I'd already answered that question. I wanted to see you."

Harry didn't answer, he just lifted his eyebrows sarcastically.

"Just relax, Harry."

Edward smiled when Harry took a deep breath and then ate some of his food.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Harry. I'm _very_ curious about you," Edward said and leaned forward.

"How come?" Harry whispered nervously, he was probably affected by that fear people tended to get from vampires.

Edward shook his head to tell him that he didn't quite know why himself.

"Please, just tell me some things about you."

"Why? I want my wand back."

"You'll get your wand back later. Stop fighting me. I have control now," Edward said and smirked.

"Alright," Harry said and stuck the fork angrily into the tortellini as if to kill it. "What do you want to know?" he snapped.

Edward relaxed in his seat and clasped his hands.

"We'll start easy. How old are you?"

"Nineteen. And you?" Harry said and lifted his eyebrow.

"I was born in June 1901. ...And reborn in 1918. So I'm seventeen," he said happily.

Harry starred at him in what seemed to be disbelief. Then he shrugged and took another bite of the tortellini.

"Why did you come to Forks?" Edward continued.

"I wanted to get away."

"Get away from what?"

Harry starred at him.

"Everything," he eventually muttered.

"Everything as...?"

"Mostly magic. And the magical world. I was sick of it."

Edward couldn't understand how that could be. Why would he be sick of his home? The only place where he could be himself.

"Why?" Edward breathed and leaned forward again, putting his elbows on the table and resting his face in his palms.

"I've lost everything," Harry mumbled and stroked some tears from his eyes.

When he met Edward's gaze again his eyes were glistening with ghosts from the past. Edward didn't pressure him with that question anymore.

"Who is Wuldemart?"

Harry looked confused.

"Voldemort?" he whispered and his eyes went quickly from confusion to some old hatred.

"Is that your lover?" Edward continued to ask.

"No! Haven't you heard about the war? The dark lord Voldemort killed my parents and destroyed my life. Shouldn't you vampires be up-to-date?" Harry said, lips trembling. He didn't seem to know whether to be sad or furious.

"We try to keep ourselves away from you. Wizards and witches like to hunt us down. We've learned to keep our distance," Edward said and smiled smugly, "I'm sorry for your loss though," he added sincerely.

"Can I have my wand back, please?"

Edward sighed.

"Yes of course," he said and gave it to him.


	5. Cup of Coffee

_A/N: So, funny story, when Alex sent me this chapter I realized that I had no clue what I had written and especially what I meant to say with it in the ending of this chapter. So I had to sit here for a while just to figure it out; but I didn't figure it out. Anyway, hope you guys like it! R&R!!!_

Chapter 5: _Cup of coffee_

When Edward gave Harry back his wand, he didn't hex him. Edward hadn't harmed him even though he could have. It wouldn't be fair of Harry to attack him.

He tucked the wand into the back pocket of his jeans and Edward breathed out in relief. He relaxed from the stiff position he had previously assumed, as if he had been prepared to be flung through the air as he had the first time they had met.

Edward raised an eyebrow in an unpronounced question.

"If you wanted me dead, I'd be dead. But you haven't done anything, so I won't harm you either," Harry explained and Edward smiled.

They walked close to each other as they left the restaurant and headed back to the car, their arms lightly touching. Harry wasn't afraid anymore, or at least he thought he wasn't. It was hard to be afraid when Edward was so mesmerizing and beautiful. How could he possibly hurt another human being?

"I am a vampire you know," Edward said and opened the car door for Harry.

"Did you read my mind?" Harry accused.

"Yes... You shouldn't think that I'm harmless by the way, because I can hurt you... So easily."

Harry swallowed and when he turned around Edward sat in the driver's seat beside him.

"I like you, Harry," Edward suddenly said and turned the ignition. Harry could swear that he would blush if he could.

"Uhm..." Harry said, embarrassed, feeling his ears getting hot.

Edward smiled smugly and drove onto the road toward Forks. He didn't even look at where he was driving, but still seemed to have full control over the vehicle. Harry looked out window; the truck suddenly seemed so small. He shifted awkwardly.

Edward sighed and Harry glanced at his direction. Suddenly he could feel cool lips against his cheek. He automatically turned his head and kissed Edward softly back.

Edward leaned away and sighed with contentment, and maybe a bit of frustration. Maybe he wanted more, or maybe he wanted to drink his blood, Harry pondered as he watched Edward keeping his eyes on the darkened road ahead for probably the first time the whole drive.

"How was it?" Edward smirked, he already knew the answer, Harry could tell.

Edward had a strange sweet smell. It made Harry just want to lean in and breathe him in. His lips were like soft stone, shaping and molding around his. His skin had a radiant glow and his teeth were white and straight. His eyes were almost black and surrounded by bruise-like shadows.

"Are you thirsty?" Harry asked to change the subject.

"Yes," Edward answered.

_How does that feel? _Harry wondered, but couldn't find the words. Sometimes words just got stuck in his throat, not able to escape and turn into sound.

"It feels like fire," Edward answered.

Harry wondered if he wanted to bite him. To kill him. Was it hard for him? Why did he try to resist? Harry's thoughts were like a whirlwind. He thought everything at once, a chaos with no time for words.

"I'm sorry, come again?" Edward asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Harry cleared his throat and rubbed off the sweat from his palms on his jeans before slowly asking:

"Do you want to kill me?"

Edward didn't answer at once, but when he did his voice was smooth like silk.

"One part of me does. Always..."

"The other part?" Harry asked stiffly, it felt like something was clogging his throat.

"I just want to be with you. You make me feel like I can be myself," Edward said and his gaze drilled a hole straight into Harry's soul. It felt like that had happened before. "You make me happy," Edward finished and smiled before he placed a soft kiss on Harry's cheek.

He kept his eyes on the road again and Harry didn't dare to look at him. They were quiet for a while and soon the first lights of Forks could be seen up ahead.

"And yes... To answer your question. It is very hard for me," Edward suddenly said, answering something he had found in Harry's mind.

Harry blushed, sank into the seat, trying to make himself smaller. Beneath it all, his scar was burning again, and he tried to ignore it.

"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's fine," Harry said and rubbed the scar, maybe he needed to practice Occlumency again.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" Edward said and looked worried.

"Yeah, uhm... My scar seems to hurt when someone tries to get inside my head."

"Oh, okay. Is it a wizard-thing?"

"Uh... Sort of."

Edward shook his head, smiling.

"Someone's being mysterious," he mused.

"Yeah, maybe," Harry agreed.

They had arrived at Harry's house and Edward parked the car.

"You want to... Uhm... Come in to... Uhh... Have a cup of coffee?" Harry asked shyly.

"I'd love to," Edward chuckled.

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

In the kitchen Edward seemed totally at ease and he stepped closer to Harry than a normal friendly distance. Harry tried to remember to breath and took a tight grip to the counter behind him.

"I hate to break this to you, but I don't drink coffee," Edward said and smiled crookedly, leaning even closer.

"Me neither..." Harry mumbled and tilted his chin toward Edward's face. Edward met him halfway in a careful kiss. Nibbling and sucking on his lips, opening his mouth lightly to softly embrace him with his tongue...

Harry could feel a tare and then nothing more than emptiness. He opened his eyes in shock to find Edward curled up at the other side of the wall. His eyes were large and completely black. He didn't seem to be breathing.

"Were you about to kill me?" Harry panted.

Edward breathed out and relaxed a bit.

"No, I'm very controlled... I just... I..."

"What? Well go on!"

"I just wanted to cool down a little... I got an erection..." Edward confessed self-consciously.

Harry starred at him in disbelief. _Is he serious? I can't believe this, what a..._

"Well, I think it's just sweet that you feel that way for me," Harry said and walked closer to him with a cute smile on his face.

"What is it you can't believe?" Edward asked shyly and relaxing a bit more, but not completely.

Harry continued to walk slowly forwards before coming to a halt in front of him.

"You. Getting a boner from kissing me... And not even _really_ kissing me." he accused softly.

Edward looked embarrassed and mumbled something that Harry couldn't hear.

"Whatever," Harry said and stepped closer to kiss Edward's ice cold lips once more.


	6. The Ghost of Bella

_A:N: I just wanna say thanks to all you guys who comment on this story and reads it and stuff! :D I really didn't expect that, so I'm very happy! Keep it up!_

Chapter 6: _The ghost of Bella_

Being in Bella's old house brought back a lot of painful memories for Edward. Her smell clung to the walls. It was intoxicating. Harry smelled very delicious too, but no one would ever smell as good as Bella did. It was a relief to know that Bella and Charlie's smells would be practically gone in a year if Harry continued living there.

"Let's go somewhere more comfortable," Harry said, followed by a thought: _The bed_.

_What? Does he want to have sex now?_ Edward wondered, feeling worried and maybe even a little pressured.

"You don't have to look like that," Harry said smiling, and kissed Edward's neck. "I don't have anything special in mind... It's just more comfortable."

_It felt so good, though_, Edward thought. He wouldn't do anything unchristian. But it just felt _so_ good.

Harry pulled Edward's sweater off. Edward didn't object. He didn't object either when Harry sucked on his collarbone, licked his nipples and nipped at his tummy.

It just felt _so_ _good_.

Harry slowed down when he got to the waistband of Edward's pants and stopped there to see how he reacted. Harry could practically see the caution behind the dim lust in Edward's eyes, so he said:

"Nah, we don't need to do that,"and rose up to kiss Edward's lips instead.

But Harry's tongue felt so hot, like fire, and so soft and fragile. Edward wanted to feel his skin closer to his. Feel his blood pulsating against his own, stone cold body.

He hadn't gone this far so quickly with Bella... It would have taken years before he had gotten so close to her. It was like a barrier that he had to cross. And Harry was so eager and pushy, even though he said that they didn't need to go so far. And Edward wasn't uncomfortable at all with that.

But no, it was wrong.

"Harry," Edward sighed.

"Come on," Harry breathed into Edward's mouth, which caused venom rush into his mouth and made him want to bite. He could control it now though. Bella had made him almost as controlled around humans as Carlisle.

Edward didn't resist when Harry pulled him towards the stairs. Edward smiled smugly, then scooped him up in his arms and ran into Bella's old room in the blink of an eye.

"Oh, do you sleep here, by the way?" Edward asked him.

"Yeah, 'cause itsgot a stereo..." Harry said and cleared his throat.

Edward laughed.

"You like the girly feeling, don't you?"

Harry cleared his throat once more.

"Uhm... Actually... It smells better in here than that old cop'sroom. Like... More sweet, less like beer."

Edward couldn't agree more. He could almost see Bella sitting on the bed, wrapping that old quilt around her skinny body, shivering in a cold draft from the window, or from his own cold body. Her hair wet from the shower, and under the quilt she would wear old cozy clothes. She would say: "I love you", he could almost hear her voice saying it. _I love you_. Those three words. That overpowering feeling that had made him ask for her hand in marriage.

And somehow... despite all the love he felt for her, it didn't stop him for killing her... Sucking the life out of her veins... Not able to stop until she was nothing more than a lifeless doll. And then she didn't fight anymore...

He was a monster.

He dropped Harry carefully to the floor, starring at the fading memory of Bella. He could hardly see Harry through the hazy mist of memories and pain. Harry starred at him in shock.

_Edward?_

Harry's lips were moving, but he wasn't sure if it was his mind or his voice that he heard.

_Look at me!_

Harry touched his cheek.

Bella's screams were echoing in his head. _Stop! No, Edward, don't! _Terrible screams that would never leave his tortured mind. It would haunt him for the rest of his existence.

God, he was stupid. What was he doing? What was he doing with Harry? It was even more perverted and wrong this time. Why didn't he learn from his mistakes? Why did he not only repeat them, but made them so much worse?

He couldn't let himself do this.

_What's wrong? Edward, please... _"Snap out of it!"

The mist withdrew, and Bella's dead eyes faded from the room. Her memory gave him some space.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered, both to Harry and to Bella. "I'm so, so, terribly sorry. But I have to go."

"No, wha... wait!"

"I'm sorry," Edward said and hurried to the window, opened it in less than half a second and jumped.

_Run, Edward, _Bella said in his head.

And Edward ran. He ran like Forrest Gump, but in the way of a vampire – fast, far and furiously.

Time melted together. He didn't let himself think. The angst swallowed him whole and drained out everything he knew. The only thing he could focus on was his own even breaths, the barely audible sound of his feet against the ground and the wind whistling around him.

_You've upset Harry now._

"Alice," Edward hissed.

She jumped down from a tree a couple of yards in front of him. She landed gracefully on the ground and prepared to cling to him like a monkey if he tried to run past her. He could hear it in her mind, and the trouble of fighting with Alice wouldn't be worth it at all.

He slowed down and came to a halt at her side.

_Little Edward..., _Alice thought and threw her tiny arms around him in a hard hug.

Then she took his hand and led him up a tree, where they sat on a thick branch. The view over the forest was magnificent but it didn't mean anything, neither to Alice nor to Edward. They had seen far more spectacular views and they both knew what mattered more...

Edward starred blankly in front of him. The moon shone over them and their skin reflected the light, capturing them in the most beautiful picture one could possibly imagine.

"Edward..." Alice said.

He sighed.

"Yeah I know..."

"No, you don't! Do you know why I came here?"

"To see me miserable?"

She ignored that response.

"Remember when you left Bella?" She paused to let the message sink in. "Don't even dare think about that option again, because you know, in your heart, that that won't work."

He sighed.

"I'm scared Alice," he whimpered.

She leaned on his shoulder and cuddled him.

"Oh, Edward. I know, I know... And it's _okay_ to be scared."

"She's haunting me... I want to move on," he tried to explain. He knew that Alice would understand, she always had understood him better than anyone else.

"Then you have to let yourself to move on."


	7. Forget Me Not

_A/N: Hi guys!! I'm not gonna talk much this week... ^^ Thanks so much Alex for being my beta!! And thanks to you readers!!_

Chapter 7: _Forget me not_

Harry had a hard time falling asleep that night. He was terribly anxious, and he felt abandoned by Edward. For several hours he tried and failed to sleep. Eventually he decided to search through the room. During the search, he discovered Bella Swan was the name of the girl who the room had belonged to. He also found a CD-Player and a CD by Linkin Park. He plugged that in and eventually fell asleep, but by then it was nearly morning.

He woke up three hours later, with drool on his chin. He wiped it off with the back of his hand and then realized that there was a note stuck to his hand. It had _Harry _on it, written in a Victorian style. He unfolded it immediately. It read:

_Dear Harry,_

_I'm awfully sorry about last night. I understand if you do not wish to see me again. But if you do, pleas__e let me make it up to you._

_I have gone hunting, but I'll be back tomorrow._

_Leave your bedroom window open if you wish to see me the following morning. __Otherwise, keep it closed and I won't bother you._

_With __loving regards,_

_Edward_

Harry read the letter over and over again.

_That bastard!_

How dared he assume that he wouldn't want to see him!

Harry was irrevocably in loved with Edward... He would never, ever even consider closing that window on him. He _couldn't_ consider it.

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

Harry spent the day the best he could. He practiced Occlumency for hours. He was so completely drained on strength and energy when he went to bed that night, that he almost forgot to open the window. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The next morning he was woken up by the sun shining into his eyes. He groaned and rolled over, trying to fall asleep again.

...And then he suddenly remembered. _Edward!_ He flung his eyelids open and sat up.

Edward sat at the end of the bed. He smiled widely.

"Good morning," he said.

Harry couldn't find any words. His mouth fell open in pure surprise.

Edward moved closer to Harry and stroked his impossible hair back from his forehead. He leaned in to press his lips softly against Harry's. Then he pulled himself back to look at him. But Harry craved for more touch and threw his arms around Edward, kissing him fiercely. Harry pulled Edward down onto him.

"I'm not squishing you or anything, am I?" Edward suddenly asked.

"No, squish me more," Harry smiled and Edward chuckled.

"Maybe you should go and eat breakfast... and stuff?" Edward suggested and stroked Harry's cheek.

"No," but in the next second Harry's stomach growled.

Edward smiled a dazzling crooked smile and said:

"I'm always right."

In the next second he scooped Harry up in his arms and carried him down to the kitchen. It felt like flying and they were downstairs in the blink of an eye. Edward carefully sat him down on a chair and then went to the cupboard and opened it. He froze, and then he turned around and said:

"I'm sorry. I'm bad at these human-things. Could you...?"

"...Fend for myself? Of course," Harry said and smiled.

Harry got to his feet and put some crumpets in the toaster. Then he went to the fridge and took out some milk and marmite. He was well aware of Edward's never blinking gaze. He turned around to see Edward leaning on the counter, as handsome as ever.

"What? What are you looking at?" Edward asked.

"Nothing. Just you... You are so handsome."

Edward looked down, as if flattered, but then he furrowed his eyebrows and when he looked up at Harry again his eyes were serious.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, Harry. I truly am."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I have no right to treat you so badly."

Harry pressed his lips tight shut. He began to fear that Edward was about to say goodbye.

"I'm not worthy you," Edward continued, "you're so fine... I'm a vampire... You have no idea about all the terrible things I've done."

"You don't know much about me either, Edward. Stop assuming bullshit."

They starred at each other in silence until Edward broke the silence.

"I don't know if I can keep myself away though."

"I'm the most famous wizard in modern time, by the way. I've murdered too. I've cheated. I've lied. Stop feeling so guilty. Stop thinking you're the bad bloke."

"Famous...?" Edward began, but was interrupted by Harry's family owl, Sigrid, a reddish brown bird, that tapped on the window.

Edward looked surprised, but Harry's heart flipped. He opened the window and let Sigrid sit on his arm.

"Hey girl," he said and the owl held out its foot where a letter was fastened.

He took the letter and saw that it was from Ginny.

"Your heart is beating really fast," Edward said, but Harry ignored him.

Sigrid started nibbling on his arm.

"Can you feed the owl?" Harry said to Edward, but Sigrid seemed very suspicious about Edward. "Well, go on!" Harry said to her and tried to give her a push toward Edward, but she refused to go near him.

"Animals aren't usually very fond of vampires... And that's right, they shouldn't be."

"Yeah, okay. You go out to the woods and try to find something to eat. Come back here later."

Sigrid wasn't happy with that answer. She had traveled a _very_ long way and was probably hoping for water, food and somewhere to rest. Harry had left all his wizard things in England. He had tried to leave all that behind, which meant that he didn't have a cage.

She was very angry with him now and bit his hand. Then she didn't even glance at him as she flew out the window.

Harry sucked at his hand.

"Would you like some ice for that?" Edward wondered.

"No, it's fine. I'm used to it. Sigrid sure likes biting," Harry answered and tried not to sound moody. "Will you excuse me for a minute?"

"Of course, I'll just stand here," Edward said and turned into a statue where he stood by the counter.

Harry sat down by the kitchen table and unfolded the letter.

_Harry, my love,_

_How dared you leave me? I am your wife!__ I can help you get through all this. I'm worrying my ass off here! If I don't get an answer within four weeks, I'm coming to you to live with you. You are not getting rid of me that easily._

_I love you Harry, and I always will._

_P.S: I took Sigrid on a plane to America, (would you seriously think I'd let her fly over the ocean?) And yeah, I tracked you down. Hermione is quite good with the muggles' Internet. Anyway, she found you, so don't be surprised if she gives you a ring._

_xxx_

_Ginny_

There was a date on the upper corner of the letter. She had written it over one month ago...

Merlin's beard.


	8. An Anniversary Gift

_A/N: Hi everyone! I'm so so sorry it took so long for me to finish this chapter (and post it). My reasons is that I've been ill and busy. :P Anyway, this chapter is sort of a preview to the next chapter, that's why it's unusually short. I hope you like it and remember to R&R!_

Chapter 8: _An anniversary gift_

Harry was married?

He had heard the horrible truth from his mind. He didn't hear much from Harry's mind these days, but what he had just heard was enough to know that for sure.

Edward gripped the counter tightly and tried not to react to the shocking news. He couldn't remain indifferent though. He heard a ringing sound in his ears, and the counter began to crack under his fingers.

Harry probably heard the counter breaking as he lifted his gaze from the letter. He didn't say anything though, and they shared a silent moment of despair.

"Ginny?" Edward then managed to ask.

Harry sighed and ran his fingers through his black mess of hair.

"Your wife?" Edward hissed through his teeth. Venom pulsated in his mouth, but he tried not to sound threatening.

Harry avoided Edward's burning gaze and nodded.

Edward felt as if the world had stopped, twisted 180 degrees, and then collapsed into the sun and melted to orange juice, all at the same time.

He had to get out of there.

He let go of the counter, which now was covered in splinters and had indents of his hands in it.

"I'll talk to you later," Edward mumbled, but he probably said it far too quietly and rushed for Harry's human ears to be able to pick up.

He left the house behind him as a familiar, horrible angst rose up inside and showed its ugly face once more. Only this time it was worse than before. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't see. And everything was spinning.

There was nothing left to do but run.

He ran blindly, time melted away, and he barely even noticed when Alice and Jasper caught up with him and ran by his side. Jasper gave him a sense of calm and peace, which made the all consuming despair fade a bit.

Edward slowed down until he eventually came to a stop.

"You knew?" Edward asked Alice.

"Yes," she confessed. "I didn't want to ruin anything and you should make decisions on your own."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Ginny will be here soon."

Edward kicked at a big rock, which shattered to pieces. Alice watched sadly while Jasper tried to calm him.

"You haven't lost him, Edward."

"Apparently I don't even know him at all! How could someone possibly betray holy matrimony?"

"Ehm, a lot of people these days," Jasper murmured.

"I know!" Edward snarled. "But I would never do something like that! How could I misjudge someone so..."

"Have a little bit of faith Edward. Don't you see? Now you're just judging him. It's not fair."

"He made me gay!" Edward continued snarling.

"Oh, Edward, stop it!" Alice snapped and slapped him hard on his face.

"Ow!" Edward exclaimed, shocked and miffed, as he put his hand on his cheek.

Jasper gave him a new rush of calm, peaceful emotions and he didn't try to fight it. His hand fell limply down to his side.

"Don't decide anything yet. You don't know about the relationship they had... have... Eh..."

Edward grunted something groggily. The world was dizzy and the outlines smudged. Jasper had made him drunk.

"We can go spy on him. Just listen to what he says, does and thinks. Then you can make up your mind. Don't leave him before you know for sure what this all is about," Alice continued.

"What do _you_ know, Alice? You don't know _anything_!" Edward spluttered and tried to point at Alice, but she was all blurry and the world swiveled and swirled. He swayed on his feet.

"Oh, Jasper, did you have to get him drunk?" Edward heard Alice disapprovingly say, but she giggled afterwards, so maybe she wasn't so against it after all.

Her voice drifted away. It was like she was there, but she wasn't really. A dreamy haze had come over Edward and it cut him off somewhat from the rest of the world.

"Happy anniversary honey," Edward thought Jasper said, but he couldn't be sure. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe it all was a dream. He felt sleepy.

Alice laughed. The sound made Edward think of fluttering birds.

"Making Edward drunk? Is that my anniversary gift?"

Suddenly Edward was lying on his back, looking up at Alice and Jasper. Jasper seemed to suppress a smile and Alice threw her arms around him. They looked very funny. Edward started laughing hysterically, without even actually knowing what was so hilarious.

"It's the best gift ever," she giggled.

"How did I get here?" Edward asked, but the words tripped over his tongue and made them almost completely impossible to understandable.

He looked at the treetops above him and the sun suddenly streamed in through some of the branches and made his cheek glitter like a twinkling star. The world's twirling and swirling slowed down until it came to a halt. Everything was steady again and he stopped laughing. He felt annoyed with Jasper and stood up to face his brother.

"Jasper," he growled threatening.

Jasper smiled slightly. Edward narrowed his eyes. Alice coughed once.

"Yeah, well... Let's go back to Harry's house...," she said and tugged them by their shirts.

A little bit later they were hiding behind some bushes outside Bella's old house; listening to whatever was going on from inside of the house...


	9. A Reminder

_A/N: HI!! R&R guys!!! Love ya!!!_

Chapter 9: _A reminder_

Harry splashed some water onto his face as he tried to remain calm. The tears mixed with the cold water and he tried to suppress his tears as more began to overflow his eyes.

He took a deep breath. Edward would come back. Everything was going to be alright. He said "talk to you later" which must have meant that he would be back. He would be back.

And there were other things to worry about.

Ginny.

He dialed the number for Hermione's cell phone, and she answered almost before the first ring.

"Harry!" she exclaimed into his ear.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do," Harry said bitterly.

He could picture her biting her lip and angling her head as she lifted her eyebrows. He could just see her using her hands excessively when she said:

"Oh Harry! How could you leave Ginny? You made her completely devastated and now Ron is being moody all the time because of what you did to her." She paused to take a breath. "How could you leave her?"

"Stop yelling at me!" Harry shouted unnecessarily loudly.

"No! You stop yelling!"

"Is it Harry?" Harry heard Ron ask in the background.

"Yeah," Hermione hesitated.

Harry thought he heard Ron mutter something like "Harry turned my sister into a slag".

"Hey, Hermione! Let me talk to Ron for a second," Harry said, his voice reaching a high pitch.

"Uhm, okay," Hermione stuttered.

"I don't want to talk to a traitor," Ron said and Harry pictured him pouting like a big baby.

"Oh, Ronald," Hermione sighed and gave up on making Ron speak to Harry. "I'm sorry, Harry."

"What does he mean about her being a... a...?"

"She went to Paris when you left... She has been doing some modeling," Hermione said, lowering her voice, as if that wasn't allowed to be spoken out loud.

"She..._ What?_" Harry exclaimed.

"Well, you know... People tend to handle their pain in different ways. Ginny went to do something utterly unconventional for a witch, and she quickly became famous andshe has grown as a person, she told me. She has gotten more self confident and has grown secure in her own skin, because she couldn't replace that, she just couldn't, Harry, even though she tried. She just couldn't replace it," Hermione tried to explain.

Harry gripped the phone tightly, which began to creak beneath his whitening knuckles. He didn't really understand what she was trying to say, and that irritated him. But she was a smart woman, and he had, with time, learned to accept to not understand everything.

"Why doesn't she want to stay in Paris?" he asked.

"She wants to be with you. You are married, Harry,"she said, her voice turning sharp.

"No, she just wants to control me. Like everybody else does!" Harry yelled. He thought about Dumbledore as he continued to loose control over his emotions inch by inch.

"Whoa, Harr..."

"Just shut up! You talk all the time, telling me how everything is supposed to be! But you know _nothing! NOTHING!_ You have absolutely no idea what it's like to be me!" Harry continued shouting.

Hermione fell quiet at the end of the line for a bit. Harry waited for her answer. His blood was boiling under his skin and tears were burning in his eyes. He blinked them away angrily.

"Harry," she breathed. "What's happened to you over there?"

_Edward. Edward, Edward. Edward is what has happened to me, _he thought.

"Harry?" Hermione inquired when he didn't answer.

He still didn't answer. Tears were streaming down his face by now.

_Why did he leave me? _Harry thought and the sentence echoed through his mind.

"Oh, bullocks, Harry. At least talk to me, for God's sake!"

_He had to come back, right? Right...? _Harry continued thinking.

He sniffled involuntarily.

"Oh, Harry," she said, speaking softly, "Are you crying? I can come to you if you wish."

"No!" Ron shouted from somewhere around Hermione.

"It's okay Hermione...," Harry said, his voice felt thick from his previous sobbing. "Do you know when Ginny's arriving?"

"Uhm, isn't she there yet? Wasn't that why you called?"

Harry dropped the phone. It looked similar to a bungee jumping person. When it fell to the ground it barely touched the parquet floor because of the cord which flung it up through the air again and made it bounce. Harry watched it hypnotically.

"Harry!" Hermione's shrill voice escaped from the dangling phone.

Harry picked it up and put it against his ear.

"She's supposed to be here now?" he asked, amazed over how well he was able to keep his voice calm and steady.

Suddenly a loud pop sounded from behind him as Ginny appeared using apparition.

"Hi honey!"

Harry jumped and turned around. The phone was doing some bungee jumping again.

"Ginny! How can you have such timing?" Harry said, fumbling over the words.

His heart was doing some kind of race inside his chest. It felt weird, seeing Ginny again. She was still strikingly pretty, but the whole situation felt wrong. Misplaced in a way. He had sort of missed her, but he had missed her in a dead way. Like she had died and he had moved on with his life. Or like his old self – his old self who had lived with Ginny – had died and his new self had woken up, living this life in America, with Edward. Why did she, a memory of his old life, have to come here as an old poltergeist? It wasn't fair. Harry wanted a new life, a sanctuary. Didn't he deserve that after all he'd been through and overcome?

"Hm, what? I couldn't really picture the place, so I ended up somewhere in the neighborhood," she said and smiled pleasantly.

"Ginny? Is she there?"Harry heard Hermione wonder from the phone.

As if in a daze Harry turned around to hang up on Hermione. When the click acknowledged that the line was shut Ginny asked:

"Was that Hermione?"

"As a matter of fact it was," Harry said and leaned against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay," Ginny frowned.

She looked at his stance, seemingly bothered and whispered:

"Don't you want me to be here?"

Harry bit his lip.

"Of course I do, honey," he lied and couldn't help sounding reluctant.

Ginny frowned againand pouted. She avoided his gaze, and that gave him a chance to look at her more closely.

She was skinnier than when he had left her. And she wasn't wearing witch clothes. She was wearing a muggle dress, probably a very fashionable one. Her pale shoulders were gaining sharp angles but her hair fell smoothly and bright down her neck, softening her features and bringing a contrastive life to her body.

The next thing he noticed about her was that she was dirty. There was smudged dirt in her face and there was some twigs and leaves in her hair.

"How did you even get here? Where did you end up first?" Harry asked.

"Oh, I ended up in the woods. But there was a nice Native American boy there who helped me. He was very friendly and nice, and gave me a description of your house."

As soon as she had uttered those words they heard a loud crack outside the house.


	10. Goodbye

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

_A/N: Yaayy! Finished this chapter earlier than I have the last times. So it's getting really angsty between Edward and Harry... How will it go?!?? XD Anyway, thanks Alex for taking your time, and all you others, THANKS FOR READING, and remember to R&R, it makes this whole thing a lot more fun!! ^^ Love ya!!_

Chapter 10: _Goodbye_

"Edward! You just broke a tree!" Alice shouted.

The three of them, Edward, Alice and Jasper, were just inside the edge of the forest outside Harry's house.

Edward looked at his hands. They were shaking. He was trying to block out thoughts of the girl, Ginny. Harry's... wife. He clenched his fists and looked up at the sky. There were clouds covering it, threatening to burst out in a heavy rain fall any minute now.

Jasper lifted up the tree and tried to reattach it to the trunk. It fell down again, and leaned on another tree, almost breaking that one too in a weird domino effect.

Edward felt Alice's hands gently rub his back.

_It's going to be okay Edward_,she thought.

"I'll leave," Edward stated quietly.

"What? Stop being silly!" Alice said.

"I'm not even meant to be. Harry's meant to live with _that girl_," he almost spat out the words, "and as if that's not enough... The werewolves just have to always stick their slimy noses in other people's business... Stupid Jacob," he hissed.

He began walking towards the house. Alice and Jasper followed, Jasper projecting a sense of ease and comfort at him. It was annoying.

"God, Jasper! Just cut it out!"

"What are you going to do, Edward?" Jasper asked him calmly.

"I'm going to talk to him. Tell him that he never needs to see me again. That I understand," he answered.

Alice walked in front of him and turned to face him. Probably just so he could see it when she rolled her eyes at him.

"This is the same sort of thing you did when you tried to leave Bella. Remember? We had to go get you _in Italy, _where you were trying to _kill_ yourself," she said as frankly as she could.

Edward pushed her out of the way and continued his walk across the lawn.

"Fine then," Alice said. "Come on Jasper, let's go home."

"Whatever, I don't care," Edward responded without even looking at her.

"Fine!" Alice said again, raising her voice loud enough to risk the humans inside of the house hearing it despite their weak ears.

Alice and Jasper left him there at the porch and he waited outside the door, listening to whatever was going on inside.

"What was that?" the girl, Ginny, asked Harry. She must have heard Alice.

"Uhm, probably some nargels," Harry said. Edward smiled to himself; he knew Harry was just making that up. Whatever a nargel was.

But Ginny didn't buy it either.

"Eh... Nargels aren't even..."

"...Well I don't know. Maybe some gnome found a horklump to chew on?" Harry interrupted her.

Edward got a strong feeling of alienation. He had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. It was as if they were from another world. What was he doing with Harry? Who was Harry really? Did Edward even have the faintest clue about who he was?

"Hm... Yeah maybe," she agreed and stopped leaning against the counter. Edward winced when he heard her thoughts – what she was about to do.

She walked up close to Harry. Too close. But they were married so... But it hurt anyway. Luckily, like a band-aid to his wounds, Harry didn't seem comfortable with it. She pushed up her chest trying to make him notice her barely adequate breasts. He didn't notice them though. She put one of her legs suggestively between his legs, and twirling a lock of hair around her fingers.

"I should go check what it was... You can make yourself comfortable," Harry said and created some space between them by walking away. Edward listened to his footsteps against the floor.

"Harry," Ginny said suddenly, interrupting Harry's stride. "Where's your wand?"

"Oh, I don't carry it on me."

"What? You always have it on you!" Ginny exclaimed, totally shocked.

"Well, not anymore. I'm going to check on the gnomes. See you in a sec!" Harry avoided her and went out to the hallway where he put his jacket on. The floor creaked under Ginny's feet when she walked into the living room. Edward was waiting for Harry in the shadows.

Harry stepped out on the porch and twitched in shock when he saw Edward standing there.

"Edward!" he whispered and walked up to him, but Edward couldn't manage to say anything.

"Edward...," Harry moaned again and gave him a soft hug. "You came back."

Edward couldn't find any words. The world seemed to tumble around at those words, and the hug gave him hope. Bleeding, golden hope. He wanted to hold on to the hope, but it seemed so frail. Harry was frail.

He held Harry tighter and buried his face into his neck and breathed. The blood pulsated through the delicate, human skin. The smell of Harry. His rough stubble against Edward's forever smooth cheek. Losing that felt like losing a part of himself, but even more precious. Even more difficult.

He didn't want to lose him.

Was he about to lose him? Or did Harry want him to stay? He had to know what he was thinking. Why did it have to be so hard to hear his thoughts?

"Harry," Edward whispered. "I can't hear your thoughts. Please tell me what you're thinking."

"Nothing," Harry mumbled.

A picture of Ginny flashed through both Harry's and Edward's mind. Somehow that thought got through Harry's "mind barrier."

He was so stupid. Of course he couldn't stay. He had to go. Ginny was here now. Edward had just been taking her place.

He pulled away from Harry and took his hands in his. Looking deeply into his eyes and said:

"It will be as if I've never existed."

"What?" Harry flinched.

Edward caressed his cheek and said:

"Don't worry, everything's going to be okay."

"I... I don't understand," he answered. His blood was painfully rushing through his veins.

Edward sighed and took a good look at Harry to memorize him like a picture. How his green eyes were filling tears and how his ghostly past hung over him and the twirls in his black hair, making it messy. His pale, thin lips pressed tightly in a thin line and the shape of his cheek bones and eye brows. How it framed his face into a perfectly beautiful picture.

"You'll never have to see me again," Edward said and leaned in to kiss him. It was an eager kiss, but still a kiss filled with angst and confusion. Well, at least confusion from Harry's side. Even though, he probably understood that this would be the last time. The last time.

"Edward...," Harry said with clenched teeth. Tears had begun streaming down his face.

"Shh..." Edward hushed him.

"No stop it! Bloody hell, Edward!" Harry exclaimed, suddenly fired up with anger. "Are you telling me you are leaving just because of Ginny? What kind of wuss are you!"

"It's the only way, Harry," Edward said calmly, becoming more sure of his decision now as he saw Harry's reaction.

There were too many conflicting emotions in this story. If he stayed in Forks he would surely affect Harry and Ginny's marriage negatively. The holy matrimony was too holy for Edward to do that, and Harry was too important for him to hurt him like that.

Harry loved Ginny. Otherwise he wouldn't have married her. They were meant to live with each other until they died – old and gray. Edward would never get old; he was just wrong. He wasn't human, he wasn't meant to be. He had destroyed Bella's life with Jacob by meddling in their human lives, where he absolutely shouldn't have involved himself in the first place. He wouldn't do the same thing to Harry as he did to Bella. He just couldn't.

"Everybody leaves!" Harry cried.

"I'm sorry Harry."

"No!" Harry protested and started hitting Edward on his chest.

Harry was probably just hurting himself, but Edward didn't bother to grab his wrists to stop him.

"I hate you! I hate you, I hate you! How can you leave me? How dare you! I hate you!" Harry shouted.

Bit by bit, Harry calmed down and the punches slowed down, until he gave it up to lean his forehead against Edward's shoulder. He cried heavily and Edward embraced him softly, by squeezing his body comfortingly against his chest.

Edward stroked his hair. He never wanted to let go of this human. But he had to.

There was no choice.


	11. Waking Up

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

_A/N: READ AND REVIEW!!!!! XOXO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Chapter 11: _Waking Up_

Suddenly he was gone. The lawn seemed so dark and it seemed as though the trees threatened to squash him from above.

"Harry!" Ginny called from the porch.

He turned around, as if in a daze and began walking toward her.

"Merlin, Harry! Are you crying?"

And he fell down to his knees, sobbing. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Ginny running towards him. She crouched down beside him and patted him gently on his back.

Harry continued his sobbing and didn't look up at her.

"Harry... What's happening?" Ginny said and lifted up his chin with her thumb.

Crocodile tears were streaming down his face. He closed his eyes and sobbed in his wife's hands.

"Harry, honey...," she whispered. "Let's go inside."

She took his hand and led him inside. It didn't feel real to him. Everything felt unreal. The unexplainable, hurtful feelings he felt took him away from this world and sort of attached him somewhere else. He was in a bubble and he hardly noticed when Ginny tucked him down in bed.

He woke up to the sound of Ginny and a stranger's voices. They were talking about him, hushing their voices in the hopes that he wouldn't wake up.

"...I think we should call the doctor," Ginny said worriedly.

"He's going to be fine... I've seen this before," the stranger said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, but I could call my dad. He might know what to do."

Harry opened his eyes. He was on his back on the couch and his head was turned toward the wall, so he couldn't see Ginny or the stranger. He wondered if he should turn around and face them, but he felt so drained. It was better to sleep. Sleep the pain away.

The second time he woke up an old Native American man was poking his cheek.

"Good morning," he said and Harry grunted in response.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

Harry didn't answer.

"Heartbreak," the old man answered for him.

Harry began to wake up some more, and could now see that Ginny stood behind the man with arms crossed across her chest. There was a younger Native American man standing beside her.

The old man turned away from Harry, looked at Ginny and the other guy, and mumbled:

"Time ahead is going to be rough."

**Thursday**

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**Friday**

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**Saturday**

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**Sunday**

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**Monday**

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**Tuesday**

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**Wednesday**

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**Thursday**

*****

**Friday**

***  
**

"Harry honey! I'm going to the store!" Ginny called from down the stairs.

Harry didn't bother to even say "okay". Ginny was getting used to that, so she just went outside without reacting.

When the front door shut, Harry began his day. He didn't bother to shave, as usual, and walked or more correctly dragged himself down the stairs like a zombie.

He filled a bowl with cereal and milk, and ate silently. He didn't talk much anymore.

When he had almost finished his breakfast someone knocked on the door. Harry's heart flickered to life. A tiny bit of hope in him said "maybe it's Edward?" but Harry knew that wouldn't happen. He had left him for good. Bloody Ginny... And if Edward was to come back, he wouldn't knock, would he?

Harry ignored the door. The person outside knocked on the door again – this time a little more impatiently – and Harry washed his bowl and spoon under the pouring water in the sink.

The door opened and closed.

Harry turned around and there was a petite girl. She was very pretty. Vampire-ish pretty.

"Hi Harry," she said with a shrill, musical voice, "I hope I'm not bothering you."

He didn't answer.

"I'm Alice. Alice Cullen," she said and a wave of dread washed through his body when she mentioned the name Cullen. Edward's last name was Cullen – is Cullen...

"We're going to be the best of friends! Edward didn't let me see you before, but now he has got nothing to say about it," she said and smiled. "Edward–"

"–Don't you dare talk about him!" Harry exclaimed. His own voice felt awkward in his mouth and the sound that came out was hoarse and raucous.

"I was just trying to say that he will come back," she said, still smiling, without even reacting to his shouting.

It took a second or two for Harry to take that in.

"What?" he finally whispered.

"I said he will come back," she said and invited herself to sit by the kitchen table.

"You can't know that!" Harry protested, clutching the counter with his hands.

"Yes, I can," she said. "I'm psychic."

"Oh, yeah, right!" Harry said and rolled his eyes, "and I'm a Hippogriff."

Alice laughed, and her laughter sounded like tingling bells in a summer breeze.

Harry didn't say anything more. He felt awkward with the situation. Who was she?

"It might take a while for him to come home though. He hasn't decided what to do yet," she said and wrinkled her marble forehead.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Alice."

"No. Or I mean, yeah I know. But _who_ are you? Who are you to Edward?" he said, fumbling with the words.

"You don't know anything?"

Harry looked at her, confused and grumpy.

"You don't know anything about our family?" she waited for him to say something, which he didn't, so she continued, "Officially I was adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen – Carlisle works at the hospital here in Forks – and so was my "siblings" Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Edward."

"Are... Are... Are you and Edward... together?"

She began laughing again and Harry blushed – feeling even crabbier now that she was laughing _at_ him.

"No, Jasper's my mate," she laughed and leaned on one leg of the chair, not needing to hold on to the kitchen table for balance.

"Oh...," Harry said, feeling a bit better and wondering if she would cause harm to the chair by doing that.

"And he's not together with anyone else but you," she said softly and landed with all four of the chair legs on the floor with a small thud.

There was a moment of silence.

"Please tell me more about your family," Harry said.


	12. Confrontations

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

_A/N: I know I'm being a lousy writer/updater right now. I'm sorry. But please HANG IN THERE, there will be tons of chappies for you guys to read! Just be patient!! :D Love ya'll!_

Chapter 12: _Confrontations_

Alice left him before Ginny came home. They had talked a lot and that made Harry feel a little bit better at the time but, as soon as she left, the dread came back just as strenuous and unavoidable like when uncle Vernon was trying to avoid the letters from Hogwarts.

Now he sat in front of the TV, watching weather reports. It was going to rain... _How shocking__._

"Harry, honey, I'm home!" Ginny called from the hallway.

Harry didn't reply. He felt as if he'd died, except his corpse was still moving – a zombie (but without the side effect of craving for brains).

Rain began to patteragainst the window. He turned his head around slowly to look at the water falling from the sky.

"Harry!"

Suddenly Ginny stood in the doorway. He turned his head slowly back to look at her tiredly.

"Enough of this!" she said, with tears in her eyes.

Harry didn't reply, he felt totally indifferent, like everything had shut down.

"For Merlin's sake, Harry!" she exclaimed, clenching her fists as tears run from her eyes like the rain falling from the sky outside.

"We never talk! No, _you_ never talk! I've had enough of this! Now just _talk_ to me, please!" she yelled, before sobbing his name.

Harry was still indifferent, at least he thought he was, but his knuckles were turning whiteas he clenched his fists. He could feel his wife's intense stare upon his face, waiting for him to speak... But when he just grinds his teeth together, a flood of words rushed from her mouth:

"Harry! I left my job; I left Ted – our Ted. I bloody left England and my home! And I did all this for you. For you, Harry! And is this what you give back to me? These past days you've been like another person. I don't feel like I know you anymore... And you just _won't_ tell me what happened to you..."

There was a pause.

Harry didn't dare to even look at her.

"I care about you Harry... I really do love you... I'm not here to torment you, I promise. I just can't be without you. I'd rather leave everything I know and love, than being without you. You are the one I love the most...."

There was another pause.

"Don't you love me anymore?" she eventually whispered.

He turned his head away for her, fixating his gaze on the awful, yellow curtains.

She sobbed heavily and then suddenly ran out the door. It shut loudly behind her.

Harry turned his head around and stared blankly at the place where she'd been standing.

"Oh my god," he breathed. "Ginny... What have I done?"

_This is Edward's fault. How could he leave me? He left me, and now I'm making the only one I've got left turn her back against me. Oh lord... I don't want to be alone!_

His thoughts went around and around... repeating the same thoughts again and again.

He suddenly got to his feet.

_I can't take this anymore, _he thought.

He also ran outside, not bothering to take his jacket before stepping out to the cold rain. He went immediately to his truck, where he sat down, shivering... He started the engine, and then tried to rub his arms, to get some heat through the friction. The engine roared, the sound numbing the empty pain he would otherwise be feeling.

He sighed and leaned his head back against the seat.

While closing his eyes the time passed. If it was seconds, minutes or hours, he couldn't tell.

He dreamed about running in the forbidden forest around Hogwarts, looking and screaming for Edward. He could see him peeking out from behind the thick trees a couple of meters away. Harry ran the fastest he could, but Edward wouldn't come any closer, he just went further and further away until he disappeared behind the trees.

_Edward doesn't want to be caught._

_Of course..._

_That was why he left me in the first place._

_He doesn't want to come back... Otherwise he'd be here with me now._

_He won't come back._

Harry hit his head hard on the wheel and then repeated the motion a couple of times. The numbing pain worked for him like a drug. But he accidentally hit his head on the horn and winced so hard that he somehow hit against the glove compartment with his knuckles causing it to open. He rubbed his soar hand and then noticed something on the passenger's seat.

It was a photo.

"Huh, must've fallen out from the glove compartment...," Harry mumbled to himself.

He turned it around and looked at the picture.

Harry dropped it as quickly as if he'd been stung by a bee.

His breathing accelerated until he was breathing so quickly his lungs barely had time to collect the oxygen. When he became dizzy he tried to calm himself down.

The photograph was lying by his feet on the floor of the car. He picked it up and looked at it again.

It was of a pale girl, with brown hair and chocolate eyes. She was very pretty – much prettier than Ginny... But those two girls could not be compared with each other. Ginny had other things that that girl hadn't... Like magic for example... He couldn't manage to come up with anything other than that though. _Sorry Ginny. Why am I hurting you all the time? You haven't done anything to deserve this treatment._

He snapped out of his thoughts to look at the photo again. The girl was staring into the camera, her eyes burning and her cheeks were flustered. She was arching up her neck for Edward, who was kissing her on a spot just above the collarbone.

Harry turned the photograph over and looked at the backside of it. It said: "_Forever and always"_ and was written in Edward's beautiful, out of date handwriting. There was also a date on it – probably from when the picture had been taken – and that was last year.

"No way..."

_Who is this girl?_ Harry asked himself and his thoughts began to twirl like aunt Petunia's washing machine. They twirled frenziedly until he got a revelation...

_What if he has gone to her?! What if he left me for her! ...Oh, I'm so stupid! _

Harry couldn't stand to look at it anymore. He crumpled it between his hands and pushed it as far as he could into the glove compartment.

Tears burned in his eyes. Everything was falling apart once again. It was just like when Edward had left him in the first place. He had left him again, but on a whole different level.

It hurt.

Someone knocked on the window.

"Hey!" a husky voice said. The rain streamed thickly down the window, leaving no way for Harry to tell who it was.

He rolled the window down.

It was that young, Native American lad. He looked at Harry anxiously.

"Hi, Harry?" the lad said, but it was more like a question.

"Hello."

"What are you doing?" he asked suspiciously, and his eyes scanned Harry briefly.

"Oh, nothing...," Harry said, contented with how he managed to act calm.

"Uhm, okay... Do you know where Ginny is?"

Harry lifted his eyebrows in surprise.

"I... Don't know..."

"You don't know?!?" he repeated, angrily, and his whole body began to shake furiously. He took a couple of deep breaths and the shaking slowed down.

"No, she just went out," Harry said.

"Okay," he said, strained, and then sniffed in the air. "I'm Jacob by the way," he said, suddenly happy and warm.

Jacob shook Harry's hand, and Harry was surprised with how hot Jacob's hand was. It felt as though it ought to be sweating and almost burning.

"Do you have a fever?" Harry asked and wondered if that was why he had been shaking.

"I'll be back," Jacob said with a slight smile on his lips and then started sprinting away into the forest.

Harry stepped out of the car, and wondered if this Jacob – this muggle – wasn't really a muggle. He seemed to be something else... But what?

He shook his head and began to walk back to the house.

Suddenly there was a loud pop behind his back – someone had used apparition to get here. He turned around quickly and got a punch on his nose.

"Ow, Hebbione! Whad was dat fo'?" he complained and held on to his nose, which had immediately begun to bleed heavily.


	13. The Truth

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

Chapter 13: _The truth_

"Harry Potter!" Hermione said, with her sternest voice and hands on her hips.

"You b'oge ba 'ose!" Harry complained, clutching his bleeding nose.

"You what?" she asked annoyed.

"Boooge 'ah-ohse!" Harry tried.

"What?!"

She mostly sounded frustrated now.

Harry removed his hand from his nose and pointed on it.

"Oh, I broke your nose... Why didn't you just say so?" she said, while reaching into the big pockets of her cloak for her wand. She gave it a quick flick and the bones of Harry's nose snapped painfully back in place. He tried breathing through it, and found that it worked again as good as new.

"Thanks," he said.

"Harry...," she began, "I got this letter from Ginny. The words were almost unreadable because of her tears...," she said while reaching for the inner pocket of her cloak.

She handed the letter to Harry and he opened it, reluctantly touching the wrinkled parchment. The ink was very smudged and words were missing in some places.

"Do something Harry. You love her," Hermione pleaded.

_Do I love her?_

"…Right? Oh Merlin, Harry! You can't say that you doubt that! Harry!"

"Who asked you?! You have nothing to do with this! Just get out of here! Go back to Ron!" Harry yelled and pointed at the road, and slammed his door opened.

"Harry," she said, and there was sadness and hurt in her voice. "You must know that I'll stay and help you until this is figured out. I won't leave until this has been solved. I think you could use a friend right now," she said softly, but assertively.

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

"Here you go, honey," Hermione said and flicked her wand so the tea kettle filled up a cup with Earl Grey for Harry. "I hope Ginny gets home soon."

"Yeah...," Harry mumbled and slowly stirred some sugar into his tea.

"So tell me," she said and sat down in front of him.

Harry thought about the things he wanted to tell her, about Forks, The Cullens and Edward... His palms were getting sweaty and he rubbed them dry on his jeans.

It was hard to make the words come out. As usual, they got stuck on their way out in his throat. Hermione was used to it though, and waited patiently as he struggled with himself.

"I've stopped using magic," he eventually said.

"Why?"

"You know why... After everything I've been through... I just needed a break from it all... That's all," he said, looking down at the table.

"But Harry... Do you really think that would make anything better? Magic is a part of you," Hermione said softly and took his hand across the table.

Harry felt awkward and tried to avoid her piercing gaze.

"And there's something else..," he said and gulped.

"Yeah?"

"Uhm..."

"It's okay, Harry. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"Well... I think I'm gay."

Hermione dropped his hand, and her jaw.

"_What?!_" she exclaimed.

"Well I thought I was bi – or I _was_ bi – but now I feel at least 85% gay. And... I'm pretty sure that's gay."

She just stared at him with her mouth hanging open. Harry wanted to ease the discomfort and continued babbling:

"And there's this guy, Edward, and I really, really, really... _care_... for him. But he's left me now and I have absolutely no idea where he might be."

"But... But... Ginny," Hermione stuttered.

"Yeah, I'm not exactly attracted to her anymore," Harry confessed, the words just poured out of him now and it actually felt really good to just let the truth come out. "It would have been for the best if she'd stayed in Paris... Then Edward wouldn't have left. ...And yeah... He's a vampire by the way."

"A _what_?!"

Harry felt at ease now, even though Hermione looked like she had swallowed a slug.

"He only hunts animals though, never humans," he continued calmly, "it's not like she's a cold hearted killer, he's actually very friendly and caring. Every time I'm with him I just... get this feeling that I want to be close to him, you know?"

Hermione nodded supportively even though she probably didn't have the slightest idea of how he was feeling.

"I was very confused at first, but as time has passed I've kind of realized that I'm in love with him. He's all I think about, even though Ginny's here and everything. I can't help it; it's just the way it is."

"Blimey Harry..." Hermione trailed, her eyes sad but friendly at the same time. "I'm glad you like this chap but what on earth are you going to say to Ginny? Have you really considered that?"

"No, I don't have a Scooby about what to say to her, to be honest."

"But you have to talk to her, tell her how you feel. You can't live in a lie, Harry."

"I know... but I thought... if I just let the time pass perhaps it will sort itself out, or something," Harry said desperately and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Harry," Hermione said with a that's-so-silly kind of look.

"I know I have to," he said and sighed, "because I really like Edward."

Suddenly soft sobbing was breaking out in the silence and they looked around the room to locate the sound. It sounded like Ginny, but she was nowhere to be seen. Harry looked confused at Hermione.

"What's going on-?" he asked.

"-I'll tell you what's going on!" Ginny's voice suddenly exclaimed from the back of the room. A hand appeared in midair, quickly followed by the rest of Ginny's body. She tossed the invisibility cloak aside and stared fiercely at Harry.

"Ginny..." Harry breathed, horrified.

"How could you?" Ginny said with a cold voice, her eyes tear filled. "How could you betray me for a _man_? And not even a man! A vampire! Sodding hell, Harry!"

"I haven't betrayed you!" Harry exclaimed.

"You are in love with a male vampire and don't have feelings for me anymore. Still you live together with me and don't say anything about it, you lousy git. This is unforgivable." Her voice was sad, but steady and her eyes shone with anger.

"But Ginny-pig...! Let me explain-"

"-Fuck off Harry! It's over!" she screamed and with a loud pop she disappeared, and then they heard another pop from upstairs.

"She's probably gathering her things...," Harry said hollowly. "I've got no one left..."

"But what about Edmund?" Hermione asked.

"Edward," he corrected her tiredly. "I think he left with some bird."

Ginny screamed in anger on the upper floor and then they heard crashing, banging and smashing.

"What's she doing?" Hermione wondered. "Stay here, I'll go take care of it," she said and got to his feet and walked up the stairs.

After a short while the loud noises got quiet. Then all he could here was Ginny's and Hermione's muffled voices.

When they came down the stairs Ginny had her trunk with her. Her face was swollen and red from the crying.

"I'm going now, I'll stay here in Forks. Sigrid will know how to find me," she said, referring to their owl.

Harry was stunned, his mouth hanging ajar. Ginny gave him one last look before walking out of the door. The silence after her was stifling.

"I'm so sorry Harry," Hermione said quietly and sunk down to the chair closest to Harry, reaching out for his hand and taking it between her palms.

"What's wrong with me?" Harry said with a sad voice, "why is everyone leaving me?"

Suddenly the doorbell rang and Alice appeared on the threshold. She beamed and greeted them with her sweet, musical voice.

"Harry! I just had another premonition. Edward is on his way back to Forks!"

"What?!" Harry jerked and sprung to his feet. "_When_?"

Alice was just about respond when the doorbell rang a second time.

"Well, now," she said, amused.

Harry felt his heart hammering in his chest and about a thousand thoughts ran through his head.

"W-what do I do?" he stammered.

"How about answering the door?" Alice suggested.

"Right..."

Harry crossed the room and walked across the wooden floor to the hall. His stomach fluttered when he reached the front door and he took a shaky breath before pressing down on the handle.

The man that met his eyes when the door swung open was extremely beautiful. His lips curled into a tentative smile and his auburn hair lay perfectly over his head.

Harry bit his lip.

_A/N: The expression "I don't have a Scooby" is English slang for "I have no idea", you can also diversify by using "monkey" instead of "Scooby." I know it's weird, but don't ask me why. ;D And "bird" means "chick" or "girl" and "git" means "silly" or "incompetent"._


	14. Coming Home

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

_A/N: I HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT!! :D_

Chapter 14: _Coming Home_

Harry was wonderful. Every detail of his entire being was absolutely perfect. From his messy black hair, his somewhat short, but slim and muscular build... to his emerald green eyes which seemed to reflect every loving emotion one could possibly feel... to the soft red of his scar, shaped as a lightening bolt.

"Harry," he said, and could easily see the yearning in his eyes.

"Please," Edward said. His smile slowly faded as Harry continued to stand still with clenched teeth.

Edward wished he could hear Harry's thoughts. He couldn't even hear a whisper; he was completely muted. He continued his search for Harry's thoughts, and suddenly he could make out his own name, as if Harry had sighed it. Then he threw his arms around Edward's marble chest and snuggled into his neck.

"Oh, Edward," Harry whispered.

Edward sighed in relief and put his arms around Harry's soft, human body. The blood pulsated through his veins and his heart began to beat faster as Harry sobbed against his neck. Edward hushed him and rocked him carefully in his arms.

Harry looked up at Edward face and stroked his cheek with his fingertips.

"Edward... Why did you leave?"

The pain in Harry's eyes was agonizing, and Edward kissed his lips smoothly, as if telling him how sorry he was.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as well, just in case the message didn't go through. "I have been so, so stupid. I've been a stupid, silly vampire. I do not deserve you. And yet, here I am, begging you for forgiveness, and to take me back."

Harry didn't answer. He just played with his fingertips on Edward's cheekbones, following the cold structure of his face. Harry was smiling slightly, and his eyes were sparkling happily even though tears silently streamed down his face.

"What about the girl?" Harry whispered.

"What girl?"

"The one you went to. I found a picture of her in the truck."

"There is no girl," Edward chuckled, sounding relieved, as if he'd expected Harry to say something worse. Suddenly his face got sad and his topaz eyes looked absent. "She died about a year ago."

"Hey... Wait a minute. Why is there a picture of you two in my car?"

"Ehm, actually, it was her car," Edward mumbled, "and she lived in this house too."

"That's so awkward," Harry frowned and then he abruptly wondered, "were you in love with her?"

"Yes."

Edward watched Harry as his brain processed this very new information. His thoughts were getting loud as a scream, and Edward could hear them very clearly. He had never heard them this clearly before._Why hasn't he said this before? _Harry thought._ Was he here with the girl before I moved in? Did Edward sit by the kitchen table watching her eat, lie in her bed, watching her sleep...? Did they kiss or even make love?_

"Why didn't... you could've... I don't..." Harry breathed, shocked.

He didn't have the time to form a proper sentence for Alice was suddenly at the door, followed by Hermione.

"Edward! You're back!" Alice exclaimed, "we've missed-"

"-Stop," Harry interrupted with a firm voice. "I need to talk to Edward. Alone. Alice, take Hermione with you and go... I don't care where you go, just make yourself disappear!"

Harry's eyes were on fire. Edward could see that he was angry. Maybe Edward shouldn't have told Harry about Bella. Or maybe he should have told him everything much earlier.

Alice quirked a brow, _What's going on?_ she asked Edward with her thoughts.

"I think Harry and I need a moment alone, if you don't mind. Why don't you and your friend go into town for a while," he said and smiled pleasantly at Alice and the girl with the bushy hair. When he met the eyes of the unfamiliar girl she instantly drew a sharp breath, staring at him with widened eyes. Edward could hear her thinking loud and clear.

_Bloody hell! No wonder Harry fancies him, he's gorgeous! I just want to drag him up to the bedroom and tear of his clothes..._

"Please go," Edward urged and gave Alice a meaningful look.

She got the message. "Why don't we go for a walk?" she said to Hermione.

"No, I'd rather stay here-" she said, continuing to stare at Edward.

"-Let's go," Alice said and grabbed Hermione's arm and walked down the steps of the porch.

Edward quickly shoved Harry inside and closed the door behind him.

"Look, Harry," Edward said, "I love you. I'm sorry I never told you about Bella. It was just... I didn't know how to say it. It's hard to talk about it."

"Why?" Harry said, crossing his arms.

Edward just looked at him, trying to make Harry see into his soul. He didn't want to utter these words.

"Oh...," Harry said when he realized something.

Edward tugged at his arm to make him come and sit at the kitchen table. When they were sitting comfortably Harry said:

"Bella Swan... What really happened to her?" Harry asked, probably expecting the worst. The truth.

Edward thought about what had happened. Memories he had tried so hard to forget. Vampires don't forget things, but he could try to block things out … now everything was rushing back to him. Images of Bella screaming; Her whitening face... And her eyes, staring off into nothing.

And of himself… just sucking the life out of her, literally.

"I killed her," Edward said, aware that his voice was as cold and lifeless as stone.

Harry didn't say anything. The tension in the room was so thick that one could almost cut through it like a piece of cake. It wasn't strange that he didn't speak.

"I loved Bella deeply. I was planning to marry her. And one day, we were going to a very beautiful meadow, because the sun was shining. When we got there we laid down and in the heat of the moment I didn't feel like waiting until after our marriage. I just let my senses take over... And it was a horrible mistake," Edward told him.

"Blimey."

Harry looked awfully pale.

"Is this making you sad, Harry?" Edward asked.

He was quiet for a moment before he said, with his lips trembling:

"Do you still love her?" Edward flinched and Harry stood up by the table. "And what am I too you? Am I just a rebound or something?" Harry continued, clenching his fists tight, and grinding his teeth together. He began shaking with anger and hurt quite similar to how a werewolf shakes before its change.

Edward sighed. "No, it's not like that at all. Harry, honey... I love you. I really do."

The whole room began to shake as well as Harry's body. It wasn't an earthquake. It was probably Harry's magic in action. Edward needed to calm him down.

"Trust me, Harry," he said and got to his feet and walked slowly around the table to Harry. When he was close to him, he didn't touch him, just looked at him with an intense gaze. "Do you think this is easy? I killed her. I killed my fiancée. How hard do you think it is for me to commit myself to another serious relationship with a human?"

Harry's nostrils flared when he took some shaky breaths. The room was going back to its normal, solid stillness.

"And how dare you think that you're not important for me," Edward hissed. "I've tried to stay away from you, _really hard_. But here I am! And I give up!"

"Stop spitting in my face when you shout," Harry said, rubbing his cheek with the back of his hand.

Edward laughed, delighted that he didn't seem so upset anymore.

"No, but seriously...," Harry said, looking down at his feet. "You won't make the same mistakes again right?"

"No," Edward said, becoming utterly serious again, and took Harry's hands in his. "I'm going to be far more careful. We don't even have to be that close. I'm fine with just looking at you."

Harry looked disappointed, and Edward leaned in to kiss his lips – trying to erase the frown upon his face.

"I love you Harry. I really, really love you."


	15. Bridges to Cross

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

_A/N: Hi FF-readers! You'll find a small english dictionary at the end of the chappie._

Chapter 15: _Bridges to Cross_

Edward was gorgeous with his bared chest. His long and lean legs were wrapped around Harry's waist in a sensitive hug. They just laid there. Not kissing, not talking. Barely touching each other.

He had missed him so much. And now he was back.

Edward stroked Harry's face, fingers cool against his skin.

Harry was quiet because he was thinking about something... Something that had been nagging at him since Edward first told him about Bella. He opened his mouth, but couldn't get the words to come out. Edward looked questioningly at him and Harry wondered if he could hear his thoughts.

"Harry, you can tell me anything," Edward said and kissed him on the forehead.

That made it even harder for Harry to speak his mind. Harry thought that he had to say this, otherwise he would burst.

Edward looked at him intensely – too was far too dazzling and not placating at all, which he probably meant it to be. Harry disentangled himself from Edward's embrace and sat up with crossed legs. He sighed deeply and thought: _Here goes nothing._

Edward waited patiently, being still as only he – and others of his kind – could be.

"Do you still love her?" Harry eventually choked out.

"I _loved_ her," he said seriously.

"I don't believe you," Harry said through gritted teeth, staring at the wall.

"Why do you keep asking these silly questions, Harry? What more can I say? You are no rebound," Edward said as he sat up and began nibbling on Harry's ear.

A tingling went through Harry at Edward's caress. His cold breath tickled his ear and neck. It was wonderful, and Harry melted gradually.

Edward smiled slightly at his lover's surrender. "I love you," he whispered, and pushed him gently down on the bed. Harry gasped for breath when Edward trailed his hand over Harry's chest.

"So where were we?" Edward asked smugly and continued moving his fingers lightly over Harry's body.

Harry gasped as Edward tugged Harry's sweater up and let his finger wander over Harry's stomach. Harry breathed faster as Edward leaned closer to him and placed butterfly kisses around Harry's belly button.

Harry moaned, not daring to speak. He felt Edward's tongue moving lower, his fingers whisked down Harry's zipper, pulling his pants down his hips and pushing them onto the floor. Harry closed his eyes and held back a moan; sure that Edward could hear his heart hammering in his chest.

"Edward..." Harry trailed off, unable to help himself.

"You want it?" Edward whispered.

"Edward... I'm not ready yet," Harry whispered back.

Suddenly Edward sat up, alarmed.

"What is it?" Harry panted, his heart hammering even more rapidly now when he wondered if he was hurt or something.

"Ginny's home," Edward said lifelessly and suddenly moved so fast that Harry's eyes couldn't keep up.

"She... What?!" Harry burst out and threw himself across the bed – aiming for the entangled quilt by the end of the bed – while silently praying she wouldn't use apparition...

_POP!_

...Which she obviously did.

"Harry Pot...! Oh sodding hell!" she exclaimed and turned immediately around when she saw Harry pretty much naked with an open shirt and only his boxers on, laying across the bed with his hands on the quilt.

He covered himself with it and only after doing that did he dare to look his wife in the eyes.

She wasn't looking at him though. She was staring at Edward and she looked very angry. Typical Ginny-angry, with her lips pressed tightly together in a thin line, her nostrils flaring and her eyes gleaming. She always looked pale when she was mad. He had never seen anything paler... Well, except for Edward, but they looked awfully alike in their skin color now that she was infuriated.

Edward seemed sad, or something. Harry wondered if it was because he chickened out when it had gotten really hot between them for the first time. But it just didn't seem right at the moment. Not when Bella was taking up three quarters of Harry's thinking space.

"You... You twat!" she yelled at Harry. Her face looking even redder by the second.

"Mrs. Potter, I assure you that screaming will not make this situation any better," Edward said calmly.

"Oh shut up you raspberry!"

"Raspberry?" Edward mumbled.

"I can't believe you make me go through all this Harry! You dick wad! I can't believe you hang out with these twats, or vampires or whatever! And it's always pissing down here. And you're such a faggot! I've got a strong feeling you won't change," she got quiet and then began bursting out insults, "You stupid, stupid prick! _You sod!_"

_POP!_

She apparated out of there, her words still echoing off the walls.

"Bullocks," Harry breathed and sought eye contact with Edward. He looked kind of confused.

Edward cleared his throat.

"Uhm... Harry... I don't know how to break this to you... But... She... uhm..."

"She what?"

"She's got an extra heartbeat."

Harry's mind went blank for a moment.

"She's a freak? She's got two hearts?"

"No! She's... Very _womanly_, so to say," Edward said, looking apologetic at Harry.

The room spun.

Small black and white spots began covering Harry's vision.

_POP!_

"And by the way, Harry! I'm pregnant!" Ginny came back, shouting.

Harry felt very pale.

_POP!_

Ginny disappeared.

A dead silence filled the room.

Harry just wanted to die. To sink through the floor, down into the mud. To just lay there... Where there wouldn't be any shame or guilt.

He covered his face with the quilt, desperately wanting to disappear. Edward sat down next to him; the weight shifted on the bed and the quilt got chilled by Edward's lack of normal temperature.

"Harry, she's your wife. There's nothing wrong with...," his voice trailed off into silence.

"Oh Merlin...," Harry moaned and then lifted his head up to look at Edward. "I never did that!" he yelled and his voice broke.

Edward tilted a brow.

"Alright then! I did it with her!"

Edward stared down at his feet, looking very sad.

"But no, it's not like that! I never touched her – not even once – since I came to America."

Both of them stayed quiet for a while. Their heads were tilted downward, as if bowing, and the atmosphere of the room was thick like whipped cream on the edge of becoming butter.

"Is it mine?" Harry whimpered, not daring to seek eye contact.

"I doubt it."

_A/N: Bullocks - damn, Raspberry - retard, Prick - idiot, Dick wad - fucker (a really really harsh insult), twats - idiots (but not soo harsh), Pissing down - raining a lot, sod - fucker/idiot. Okay, I think that's it. You probably know most of them, probably not raspberry though, right? ;P_

_Another thing. I bet some of you noticed Ginny announcing her pregnancy in chapter 13. I changed that, because I felt like Harry didn't get the time to react and I just felt it was a bad timing. So that's why._


	16. Being There

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

Chapter 16: _Being There_

Edward looked at Harry as if he were seeing him with a new pair of eyes. He couldn't decide whether to be disgusted or to feel sympathy for the boy.

"What would you like me to do for you?" Edward asked gently.

Harry grunted and got out of bed. He didn't look at Edward but Edward could tell that he was scared.

The nice part of Edward felt sorry for Harry and wanted to comfort him, telling him that everything was alright. But everything wasn't alright, because one part of him felt betrayed and disgusted by the thought of Harry having sexual intercourse with the redhead. Not because she was a redhead, but because Edward had thought he knew Harry. He'd thought Harry was homosexual, but now he wasn't so sure anymore.

The only thing about Harry that he was still sure of was that he had black hair, green eyes and a British accent.

It frightened Edward.

"I'm scared too, Harry," Edward said and lifted his gaze toward Harry, who was staring out the window.

As Edward watched the muscles of Harry's body tensed and the grating sound of Harry grinding his teeth together rang through Edward's sensitive ears.

"Harry...," Edward whispered softly, getting off the bed and taking careful steps toward him.

A tarring sound went through Harry's throat as he sobbed noisily. He suddenly turned around and walked past Edward, into the bathroom and locked himself in there. Edward was too surprised to react.

Muffled sobs from the bathroom mixed with a sound of puking.

"Oh my God, Harry! Are you sick?" Edward asked, totally shocked. Harry didn't answer, and Edward heard him throw up even more. "Harry!" Edward called again and banged on the door. "Harry, open the door!"

"Oh Merlin!" Harry whined, panting from the energy it took to throw up.

"Harry, open up! I'm serious!" Edward roared, contemplating the idea of breaking the door down.

"No way!" Harry screamed back with a hoarse voice. Then he began spitting and coughing.

"Harry! Are you okay?" Edward asked, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"It's alright! I just had a pea up my nose," Harry answered, then flushed the toilet.

When the rumble of the toilet stopped, Edward asked:

"Are you going to come out now?"

"No."

"What? Are you just going to sit there-"

"Yes."

"-Because it's very easy for me to break the door in," Edward said, trying to sound threatening instead of freaked out.

Harry was quiet. It annoyed Edward. He decided to try a new tactic. Being silent and waiting for Harry to say something. Edward had lived a very long time, so he knew how to be patient. A human could never win a fight like that.

Edward waited at the bathroom door. Hearing the occasional sound of Harry's sobbing.

He waited and waited.

And almost went crazy.

"Aren't you going to come out now?"

No answer.

"It's been half an hour!"

Still no answer. Edward waited. The frustration was almost making his head boil.

"Do you want me to leave?" He finally asked with a small voice.

Harry didn't answer.

"I... I'll take that as a yes," Edward said solemnly.

He slowly walked to the window of Harry's room. He stopped and looked back, then turned around and jumped out of the window.

While falling through the air he had a flashback from a time when he stayed at his loved one's side whatever was going on.

He softly landed on the ground and began running home.

He remembered when the fight was going on against the crazy vampire who wanted revenge on Bella. He remembered how both he and Jacob had stayed with Bella inside the tent. He hadn't felt like enough for her at the time, maybe he never had felt like that. She was so cold and he'd let Jacob warm her up.

From that he learned that he couldn't do everything. He couldn't be everything for another person either. Even he had limits.

And now was the time when he needed help from someone who had what Edward didn't.

"Alice!" he called out after entering through the door of his family's home.

"Yeah, I was waiting for you," Alice said happily, appearing from the living room, and pulling on a coat. With her was that girl Hermione.

_Oh my... He's even more gorgeous today!_

Her thoughts were flattering, yet somehow disgusting.

"Hi Edward," she flirted.

Alice carefully thrust an elbow into Hermione's side to shut her up.

"Ow!" Hermione complained, and rubbed her sore ribs, but it must have worked, because she seemed more annoyed now rather than charmed by his beauty.

"Do you want to come or not?" Alice asked Hermione, as if she was a very small child.

"Of course I do! Harry needs me!" Hermione snapped, still rubbing her ribs.

HP/EC HP/EC HP/EC

"He's still in the bathroom," Alice whispered to Hermione.

"Harry, come out of there! _Now!_" Edward roared.

He desperately wanted to get inside his head, to know what he was thinking. To know what was going on in there. Edward literally broke his way into Harry's mind, crushing the protecting walls of his psych.

"!"

A terrible scream went through Harry's mind and was expressed out loud.

"MY SCAAAAAAAAR!"

Edward felt the terrible pain from Harry's scar as if it was his own pain.

"STOP IT!"

Edward stopped abruptly.

Both Harry and Edward gasped. Edward glanced at Alice and Hermione, who looked terrified.

"What happened?" Hermione asked.

"Tried to read his mind," Edward gasped, still out of breath. "I've never penetrated his mind so deep before... Won't do that again...!"

Suddenly Alice and Edward could hear Harry getting to his feet and opening up the bathroom door.

"I'm sorry," he said, rubbing his scar. "I just... I just can't talk to you right now, Edward. Not even look at you," he finished, avoiding Edward's gaze.

_Edward, you better leave, _Alice thought, looking at him reassuringly.

Edward walked downstairs, listening attentively to every word they were saying.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione said.

"What should I do?" he mumbled.


	17. Conclusions

**Love Me, I Hate Myself**

Chapter 17: _Conclusions_

The humiliation was terrible.

"Maybe you should come home? Follow me home to England. See Ron and-"

"-Ron is pissed with me," Harry muttered.

"Well, who can blame him? You left your wife."

"And now she's pregnant..." Harry mumbled, wide eyed.

"You're going to be a father Harry! Aren't you glad? Gives you a really good reason to sort this all out, huh?" Hermione said and gave Harry an encouragingly pat on his thigh.

"No, no... I am not. I can't be."

"Uhm, Harry?" Hermione said and looked at him as if he were going nuts.

"The thing is Hermione, if she didn't cast some kind of spell I cannot be the father, because then I guess it would show a lot more. It was a real while ago since we did it... intercourse wise."

Hermione's eyes widened. "Oh!" she gasped.

Harry suddenly stood up. He didn't need to explain himself to Hermione. "I hate myself," he mumbled and locked himself in the bathroom once more.

"Oh, not again," Hermione muttered after him.

Harry put his cheek against the cold bathroom floor and began singing. It was calming. He knew Hermione could hear his – quite breathtakingly beautiful singing, if he could say himself – but he didn't care what she thought.

"I hate myself and I want to die," he sang, "I lay on my bathroom floor to cry."

"Why is he singing?" Alice asked Hermione. Harry didn't know what Hermione answered – and he didn't care either for that matter.

Alice began banging on the door though. "Harry! Come out of there _now!_"

The next moment the door banged opened and he was in Alice's arms, flying down the stairs and into Edward's arms.

"Here, take him. We don't want him," Alice said to Edward, talking about her and Hermione.

"Okay, I think I know what to do," Edward said, with the emotionally destroyed Harry in his arms.

"Let's go shopping, Hermione," Alice said and took Hermione's hand.

Hermione stared at Edward, not seeming aware of Alice almost dragging her out of the house. Harry thought that was kind of odd, even in his – for the moment – dull mind.

When they were alone Edward carefully carried Harry up the stairs.

"I love you Harry," he whispered again and again in his ears. "I won't ever let anything come between us again. Not when it hurts you so much."

Harry must have fallen asleep cause suddenly he felt being lay on something soft, most likely his bed.

The next thing he knew was Edward stroking his cheek.

"You've slept for thirteen hours, honey," Edward whispered.

"Blimey," Harry yawned.

"I've got some time to ponder all this and you know what, Harry? I think you should start doing magic again."

"What, why?"

"Because when I first met you, you were a strong wizard, and now-"

"-I'm pathetic," Harry interrupted sadly.

"No, you're not. But you're out of balance," Edward said. "And for restoring that balance, I think there's something else you need. Something I need too for that matter. Even though I'm scared, I know I can't go on living life being scared all the time, and neither can you. We have to face our fears and that's exactly what I'm going to do right now," Edward said, his voice quivering a bit.

"Right. Good for you," Harry said, trying to sound supportive, even though he didn't understand at all.

Edward kissed him. More passionate than before and lay himself on top of Harry.

"Wha-" Harry began but Edward hushed him with another kiss.

"I'm going to make you forget all your troubles Harry," Edward whispered, and brushed his lips over Harry's neck, collarbones, shoulders... Moving down to his nipples. Harry shivered pleasantly all the way through.

Edward was so beautiful. He couldn't believe he got to love and be loved by this perfect creature.

"I love you, Edward," Harry cried out when they fulfilled their first time of love-making.

"Did I hurt you?" Edward asked, alarmed.

"No, no, no! Do it again!" Harry assured him.

They made love like angry bees, Harry thought. He had never experienced anything like this with Ginny.

When they were finished and had washed up a bit they sat outside. It was a beautiful, sunny day, which Harry thought was a sign from nature that everything was about to change now.

"You know, if we act nicely around Ginny we could share custody over the baby," Edward proposed.

"No way, it's not my baby and I've decided I don't want anything to do with her." Harry asked him.

Edward smiled up at the sun, his skin sparkled like diamonds.

"Would you like to move to England with me?"

"You'd move to England with me?" Harry repeated in a gasp. "But your family...?"

"Oh, they'd be fine with it!" Edward said, dragging Harry closer to him.

Suddenly life didn't seem so bad anymore. In this moment, it was perfect.

_England, a couple of weeks later..._

"Okay... That was good... I never thought I'd lose my balance again," Edward muttered, clutching the wall inside Hermione and Ron's house.

They had used apparition to get there, and Edward wasn't feeling so well after the journey.

A clapper of shoes against the floor alerted them that someone was coming.

"Hi! How are you? Did the journey go well?" Hermione asked, and then turned her eyes to check out Edward's rear end.

After Hermione Ron came, he was almost dragging his feet against the floor.

"Hi Harry, Edward," he muttered.

"Seriously Ron? Are you going to stay mad at me forever?" Harry asked him, stepping a bit closer to his old friend.

Suddenly Ron threw his arms around Harry's neck and hugged him tightly.

"No, I've missed you so much!" he cried out against Harry's shoulder, his voice breaking a bit.

Then Ron abruptly let go of him and his ears turned brightly red of embarrasment. An awkward silence followed.

"Where's Ginny?" Ron asked, breaking the silence.

"She stayed in Forks with her dog," Harry said with the bitterness sipping through his facade of happiness.

"She fell in love with a werewolf," Hermione gently clarified.

Ron disappeared with a loud pop.

"Oh my...," Hermione whispered with her hand on her chest.

"Maybe he'll talk some sense to her," Edward said.

"Or perhaps not," Harry added. "So... What's for supper?"


End file.
